Page 24 of Psychotic Nightmares

For the last three years Julian has always been my protector, my saviour. And now he is the one I need to be protected from. All because he wanted me to kill someone and I couldn’t.Is he going to kill me next?I take a few steps back. I could run, but Julian is probably a lot faster than me. I could stay and watch the two of them kill each other. Or I could try and stop them from fighting. But how?

Help me, please help me. What should I do?

Dante reaches for his back pocket and holds out a phone. “Take this, call Pea and ask her to come back.” I reach for the phone, grateful that he is taking charge of the situation. “wait in the living room, please.” He’s being polite despite what’s happening. Who the hell is this guy?

I walk backwards, unable to take my eyes from the two of them. Julian glares at Dante, then at me. His eyes are full of anger, of passion. Of pure fucking lunacy. His lips lift into a monstrous grin. “Natalie.” Dante waves me away, never taking his eyes off Julian. “For your own safety, you need to get out. Now.”

What the fuck just happened?

Ten minutes pass. I’m still standing by the door that got closed on me as soon as I stepped out. I hear them arguing but can’t make out what they’re saying. I haven't heard another gunshot yet though so I guess that’s a good thing.

I stare down at the phone in my hands. I couldn’t call Pea. I just couldn’t. This whole thing is my fault.

It’s all my fault. If I never failed at the lake, none of this would be happening now.

There’s only one thing I can do to stop this from happening again.

I look around and see my purse on the couch. Picking it up I see my keys are still in there. I need to leave this place. I need to leave before Julian kills me like Pa did my sister. They had the same look in their eyes. The spark of chaos mixed with murderous intent. Dantes however, no longer had the look of hatred. Just pity and something like adoration when he looked at me.

God Natalie, you must be going fucking crazy. Of course he still hates you.

Putting Dante's phone back on the table, I grab the sweat pants from the medical room and slip them on before heading for what I hope is the exit.

Looking around I can’t make out where I am. I can’t see anything but darkness. Taking my phone out I turn on the flashlight and notice the tyre marks. I follow them, hoping they might lead to a road or a street I will recognise. Sharp bits of soil and small stones hidden in the grass start to cut my feet, but anything is better than staying there and causing a fight between two friends. I should have told them to leave when we were at the bank. I should have asked them to go. Howard is dead because of me. Julian and/or Dante could possibly be getting hurt now because of me. I was selfish and went to work because I needed the money, if I never went in, none of this would have ever happened.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

It’s all my fault.

Someone got hurt because of me - again.

People keep getting hurt because of me.

Julian tried to make me kill someone. Ididhurt someone, kind of. I was holding the blade when the first drop of blood fell. I made a promise to myself all those years ago that I would never hurt someone. Will never hurt another person, and now I have. Julian forced me to break that promise. I can’t be with a man likePa. Or a man like Howard. I thought Julian was different. Whenever he was with me he was kind, funny and thoughtful. But underneath that mask was a murderous psychopath.

Just like Pa.

My phone bleeps, letting me know that my battery is on 5%. The flashlight turns off automatically.Shit, shit, shit. Not now, not when I have no clue of where the fuck I am.

I keep trying to follow the tyre marks using the feel of the dented grass. A few minutes later and my phone buzzes again from my purse, it must be completely dead now. The vibrations continue, I pull it out from my purse and check it.

1 missed call from Julian.

1 new voicemail.

I debate with myself on whether to listen to the voicemail or not. My phone makes the decision for me though as it completely shuts down. I look up to the sky and stare at the half moon. The sky is clear of any clouds and the stars are nice and bright. The view is gorgeous. The silence is bliss. No arguments, no gunshots, no fighting. No-one would find me if I were to take the drugs I have hidden at the bottom of my purse. I know he may be a crazy guy, but he did always respect my boundaries, he never went into my bedroom without consent and never went through my personal things. My purse, my mail, my bedroom. All out of bounds for Julian. I feel around for thehidden pocket towards the bottom of my purse. One I sewn in myself to hide what I need to…

Empty.

What the fuck? That prick must have gone through it when I was with Pea in the medical room, because I definitely had them in there this morning. I quietly scream out of frustration. Thinking rationally now, I realised I ignored every red flag Julian waved just because I was lonely and he made me feel safe. The cameras, the breaking in, the constant fucking surveillence wherever I went. Red flag, red flag, red fucking flag.Natalie, you idiot.My eyes now fill with angry tears. I hate him.I HATE HIM.

But, deep down, I don’t.

In that small corner of my heart, I don’t hate him.

What’s wrong with me?

If he even thinks about coming back to my place after tonight he will have a big surprise, because I won’t fucking be there. I have to move. I have to leave town. Somewhere where no-one can find me. Somewhere where Julian can’t find me. Like hell. I belong in hell after getting my boss killed. After pining for a dangerous man for years. After letting my siblings get hurt.