Page 57 of Sincerely, Butterfly

And they’re mine, even if they aren’t exactly aware of that yet.Baby steps. We’re working up to that.

Another advantage of mine is that they would never suspect me being here tonight. To stand among the girls who are willingly offering their bodies, their virginity.

To them, I’m just some naive little girl who needs to be protected.

If they only knew the dark and depraved thoughts that run through my head. I’m not the one who needs protection. I’m the one people need to be protected from.

Maybe I’m a monster too.

This is why I’m a perfect fit for them. I can match their crazy. Just you fucking wait.

These men aren’t men of words, but of action. That's why I need to prove myself worthy. I can’t just simply tell them they’ve got me all wrong, I know that. I have no proof that I can offer them that would show otherwise.

Yet.

That's another reason why I’m here tonight. To get a glimpse of what these men are really about and prove to not only them, but myself, that I can handle them.

Yes, I’ve been watching them for years, I know more about them than most do, but I don’t know everything. I don’t have access to a big part of their lives.

There’s still a lot I need to learn. I don’t want to be blindsided, to make myself look like a fool by growing my confidence only to be shown just how little I know.

The events that will go down tonight have only been whispered about over the years, telltale signs of what people believe goes on within the Brotherhood, and down inside the catacombs of New Orleans.

Never voiced, never detailed, never confirmed.

I need to see it firsthand, to experience it for myself.

Still, we stand here, lined up in a row like the sacrificial lambs we are. We wait for the Doctors to choose who will be next, despite having no idea what being picked will entail.

We have no idea what goes on down there. What will be asked of us? What our sacrifice will really mean.

I have no clue how these things work, only going by what I’ve overheard from people who have been to their parties in the past, the girls who have tried but failed to be chosen.

Being here is a gamble I’m more than willing to take.

I know there is a chance that if they remove the mask, they will see who I really am.

I’ve already come up with a plan for that. If it comes down to it, I’ll tell them that I’m here out of simple curiosity, that I wanted to embrace more of the world my father is a part of.

Will it be embarrassing as hell? Yes, because I’d have to play the stupid, silly girl who doesn’t understand the danger I’m putting myself in.

I know more than any of these women here tonight.

If it means keeping my plans from crashing and burning, I’m willing to take that hit to my ego.

I want to be jealous of the women around me, knowing it’s a possibility that it’ll be one of them who gets chosen over me, but I’m too captivated by the power standing before me.

Slowly, they make their way down the hill towards us. As they grow closer with each step, my body prickles with the urge to flee.

Holy fuck. This is happening. This is really happening!

Play it cool, Nola. You got this. Everything is going to work out just fine. Breathe.

Shit, is it too late to turn around and run?

It’s not that I’m afraid of what will happen tonight, I’m actually really excited. I’ve already let my mind conjure up every sick and depraved thought I could possibly think of, getting more and more excited with each one.

“Whoa,” One of them whispers in awe. “They’re so fucking hot.”