Page 55 of Property of Gray

“I saw the way you were with her, and I wanted you to look at me like that. I thought if I had your baby, you would. That’d you’d want me. But it’s never going to happen, is it?”

“No. I’m never going to be that way with you. Not now. Not when this baby is born or after.”

“Maybe you should start sleeping back at your dad’s place or the clubhouse.”

“I think that’d be best.”

“We can do an early DNA test. I’ll make the appointment.”

“All right. Text me the day and time. I’ll be there.” I bend down and pick up the knife. I hand it to her. “I’d like to say sorry that it didn’t work out the way you hoped, but I’m not sorry, Kaylene. I didn’t want this.”

“I know,” she croaks.

I nod and grab my duffle bag from by the door on my way out.

I park my bike down the road from Grannie Mag’s like I’ve done many times before. I take my flask out of my jacket and take a swig, waiting for Willow to fall asleep.

The nights Kaylene thought I was with other women, I was here watching Willow sleep. Sometimes I stand outside her window. Some nights I crawl through her window simply because I want to hear her breathing.

I walk up the driveway, careful not to set the cameras off. Low’s bedroom light is still on. I watch her walk into her room with a towel on her head and a robe wrapped around her body.

She leaves her room again, and I hear the sound of the hairdryer coming from down the hall.

I should leave, but I don’t.

I can’t stay away.

All I think about is her and how I fucked everything up.

I never even apologized to her for how I treated her in front of everyone.

Eventually the lights go out, and eventually I see the rise and fall of her chest. I lift her window, take off my boots so I don’t track any dirt in, and crawl onto the bench seat. I move slow, careful to avoid the spots that creak. I stand over her, thinking about crawling under the covers with her. I remember how good she smelled when I’d kiss all over her body. How she tasted when I’d bury my tongue inside that pretty pussy.

Barely had a taste of her and I’m ruined for anyone else.

I miss her so bad it hurts in the center of my chest. There’s this dull ache that won’t go away no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I chase liquor, trying to numb the pain. It’s always there, this space she used to fill with her laughter and her gorgeous smile. And her fucking Bambi eyes haunt me. The sadness that filled them when I broke her goddamn heart.

The loss of Willow in my life is like having a scab that won’t heal.

I don’t want it to. I deserve to suffer. To hurt. To yearn for her. Fuck do I burn for her.

I reach out to touch her hair but stop myself.

Would she freak out if she woke up and saw me standing here? Would she welcome me with open arms?

I breathe her in one more time before I turn to leave, and that’s when I see it. The one thing that has me wanting to get on my bike and hit the freeway, pedal to the metal, and strike the first high wall I see.

There’s a pregnancy test box on her dresser.

That’s what she was buying at the drugstore.

Is she pregnant with Foolish’s baby?

She can’t be. I pick up the box. She hasn’t opened it yet.

Maybe it’s for someone else like Elsie Jo, or precautionary, or some shit.

I want to wake her up and demand answers, but I know it isn’t my place.