Page 105 of The Love We Deny
“Will.” I keep my voice low, even though the kids are upstairs. “I’m so sorry. And I know that’s not enough. But please, give me another chance.”
He looks at the floor.
“Come to bed,” I say, placing a reluctant hand on his arm. “Please.”
When he finally meets my eyes, the emotion from before is back, but he nods once. “Fine.” He starts up the stairs withoutanother word, and I trail behind him, trying not to look as happy as I feel right now.
He’s staying.
He’s actually staying.
“I’m borrowing pajamas,” he announces, heading for the dresser, pulling all of the drawers open until he gets to the one he wants. “You arenotgetting any tonight.”
“That’s fair,” I say, sitting down on the bed. After the day I’ve had, I would rather just lie down with him.
He pulls out a pair of flannel pants and an old t-shirt, but pauses before changing. “Turn around.”
“What?”
“You don’t deserve to see my ass. Turn around.”
I face the wall, the sounds of fabric rustling behind me. I didn’t expect he would want anything to do with me tonight, so this is better than anything I could have imagined. But with him back in my bedroom, I can’t help but think of the last time he was here.
His cock inside of me, and the way he held me after…
And while I was upstairs finding an empty space where the bottle of pills should have been, building a case against him without asking him first, he was downstairs in my kitchen making scrambled eggs and bacon, calling himself my boyfriend.
And I came downstairs and talked to him like he was who the rest of the town thought he was.
“All good.”
I turn my head, and there he is, in my clothes, even after what I did, and I feel it everywhere. The thing I’ve been holding in since everything happened. Trying to be strong. To take care of Addie and forget about my own stuff. It all comes up at once, and suddenly I’m crying.
It’s not quiet or manly, or whatever I’m supposed to be doing. When it starts, it starts, and tears are streaming down my faceas my shoulders shake. Will is in front of me, taking my hand and pulling me up to face him. “What’s wrong? Are you actually crying because I said I don’t want to—”
“I’m so sorry,” I force out through unsteady breaths, and it just isn’t enough to express how I feel. “I can’t believe I did that to you. I—I saidhorriblethings, and you’re still—you’re still here, and I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.”
“Hey.” His hands land on my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. “Nolan, stop.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” He rolls his eyes, like he thinks I’m being ridiculous, but when he wipes my tears, his face is serious.
“I wish I’d done it,” he says, “I wish I woke up in the middle of the night and taken those pills because I wanted a little high.” I shake my head at his terrible words, but he continues anyway. “If me going back to my old shitty life means Addie doesn’t have to hurt, and you wouldn’t have to have your teenage daughter tell you she was gonna hurt herself with ‘em—I’d do it in a heartbeat. Got it?”
“D-don’t say that,” I tell him, my eyes burning at the thought of a reality where that happened.
I don’t want to lose anyone.
“It’s the truth,” he says with a shrug. “And yeah, I’m pissed at you because you were a dick and you weren’t listening to me. And we’re gonna have a talk about that. But I can’t be too mad when you told my parents and my bitch of a sister that you love me right to their stupid faces.”
“Don’t call her that,” I say, wiping my face. “She’s still my kids’ mom.”
He pulls away now that I’ve gotten myself a little bit under control. “Well, you should’ve thought about that before. She’s my sister. It’s my job to talk shit about her.”
He pulls back the comforter and gets in, his eyebrows raised as he finishes his argument. “Are you gonna stand there all night or are you coming to bed?”
I nod, shoving my jeans down and climbing into bed in my t-shirt and boxers. He doesn’t touch me, but the space between us doesn’t feel so tense as I lie on my side facing him. And when I reach over to take his hand, he lets me.
