Page 28 of Glorious Ruin
Silas had never asked about her. Sure, he knew the bare minimum: she was Puerto Rican, had given birth to him, and walked out of the hospital the same day without looking back. But Silas had spent his entire life burying the rejection, acting like it didn’t matter. The fact that he had finally asked for a piece of her identity before coming to the island felt monumental.
“Oh.” I stepped a fraction closer to be an anchor for him. “Well, what was it?”
Silas stared out at the water, “Carmen,” he finally said. His voice was void of any inflection, as if he were terrified of giving the word too much power. “Carmen Ruiz.”
The weight of those two words hung heavy in the humid air.He had a name.A piece of his bloodline. Tension radiated off his shoulders, the overwhelming and conflicting ache of a man who now held a ghost in his hands. If there was one thing I knew about my man, it was that he would need a lifeline right now. He needed me to pull him out of the dark depths of his mind before it swallowed him.
Letting go of his hands, I moved behind him to press my chest against his back. My arms wrapped securely around his waist, locking him into a grounding embrace. I rested my chin in the warm crook of his neck, pressing soft kisses to his pulse point.
“Carmen Ruiz,” I murmured against his skin, keeping my tone light, affectionate, and safe. “So…I almost got a Ruiz man for life.”
A sharp exhale left his lungs, followed by a wet, shaky laugh. His hands came up to grip my forearms where they were crossed over his stomach. He leaned back into my chest, trusting me to hold him up in the shifting tide.
“Yeah,” Silas whispered, his voice cracking. “Almost.”
“You were beautiful this weekend, you know that?” I told him quietly, my lips brushing his ear. “I don't just mean the match. I mean watching you with the people here. They look at you like you’re theirs, Silas. They love you.”
“I didn’t think I was allowed to be theirs,” Silas choked out, the dam finally breaking. A violent shudder ripped through his massive frame as I held him tighter. “My whole life I’ve felt like a fraud. I grew up in woods nowhere like this place. Sure, I know some of the history, but I don't even speak the fucking language. I’ve felt like such an imposter. ”
A tear slipped down his cheek, catching the moonlight before it dropped into the ocean.
“I was so terrified to come here,” he wept in a desperate, broken whisper. “I thought I’d get off the plane, and they’d look right through me. They’d know I was a fraud among them. But, being here…” He took a ragged breath, tilting his head back to rest against my shoulder. “It’s the most real I’ve ever felt. It feels like…like a piece of me I didn't even know was missing just snapped into place. Standing here…I’m finally starting to know myself.”
My throat closed so tight, it began to ache. I closed my eyes and nuzzled my face deeper into his neck, holding him as tightly as I physically could. Every shake, every tear, I absorbed, letting him mourn the mother he never had while celebrating his newfound identity.
“You’ve never been an imposter, baby,” I fiercely promised, kissing the drops of saltwater and tears off his skin. “You belong here. And, you belong to me.”
The sky behind us bled from pitch black to a bruised, magnificent purple. Any minute now, the sun would break over the horizon, illuminating the entire beach. Anyone could walk out of the hotel lobby and see us. But standing here now, feeling his steady breathing against my chest, I didn't care. I wanted the sun to hitus. To enjoy its light. It felt like the physical end of our time in hiding. A quiet, defiant promise that our story was about to become loud, proud, and thoroughly undeniable.
Silas turned his head, capturing my lips in a tender, salty kiss, his hand moving back to grip the side of my face. He tasted like the ocean and absolute, undeniable freedom. The darkness began to lift, letting the waters of San Juan wash away the last remnants of the fear we carried for ten years.
“Sun’s coming up,” Silas murmured, barely audible over the crashing waves.
My gaze drifted. To the horizon’s glow, the saltwater falling from Silas’s hair, the way he looked like he was finally at peace. To the shore where our stuff had been discarded in a messy pile on the sand. I hadn't planned for today. Tuesday was the plan. I had a whole speech mapped out, a private dinner, a perfectly controlled environment. But right now, with him bathed in the pre-dawn light, completely bare and beautifully vulnerable, I realized one thing.My plan was bullshit.The universe was practically screaming at me. “This is your moment.”
“Come,” I said, my voice suddenly rough, tyhick with an anxiety I hadn't expected. I rounded his body, grabbing his waist under the water, and pulled him toward the shore. “Let’s get out before we freeze.”
Silas let out a soft laugh, letting me drag him through the surf.
“Hand me a towel?” he asked as he walked over to his pile of clothes.
I crouched down beside my things, hands shaking and heart hammering so violently against my bruised ribs, I thought the bone-cage might shatter. Fisting my hoodie, I slipped my trembling fingers into the pocket, and closed my fist around the ring box. I smoothly slid it into the pocket of my damp board shorts as I stood back up to hand Silas his towel.
He took it, wrapping it around his shoulders, and turned toward the ocean. The first brilliant streak of gold had cracked over the horizon, bleeding into the purple sky.
“I can’t believe it’s over,” he said softly. His shoulders relaxed as he watched the sunrise. The towel dropped to his waist as he let out a long, heavy exhale. “Lastnight, it felt like closing a door. Now, it’s like I can finally breathe again. Like we can actually just…start.”
I stepped up close behind him, the sound of the blood rushing in my own head drowning out the waves as I looked him over. God, he was so beautiful. He was everything I wasn't. Radiant. Good. Whole. I was absolutely terrified that if I blinked, if my eyes didn’t stay locked on this man, he would realize I didn't deserve him. But even more than that, I was terrified of letting another second of my life pass by without him belonging to me permanently.
“I was thinking about what you said Friday,” Silas continued, oblivious as he reflected. “About how we would’ve been married by now. How we wouldn't be hiding.” He shook his head slightly, a soft, disbelieving laugh escaping him. “It sounds so crazy to say out loud, but—”
“Silas.”
He paused. “Yeah?”
“Turn around.”
Wiping at his jaw, he turned. “What, I was just—” But the words died in his throat.
