Page 43 of Vicious Butterfly
You would text just to be a dick and leave. Is this what our marriage will be like?
He couldn’t have meant we were off if he’s leaving the marriage on the table. Maybe he’d like us to be off, but we’re not. We’ll never be off. Has he figured that out yet? I held back when we were at the ice rink, hoping to gain his compliance so he’d think he was willingly marrying me.
Me
I was interrupted, dollface. Are you finished with your tantrum?
Dollface
I’m not having a tantrum.
Me
Dollface
Yes. I’m done.
I smile. He’s fascinating. But I still don’t have an answer to the question I asked Patrick. None of his solutions were ones I liked. Fuck, I’m not used to being torn like this. I’m decisive. The answers are always clear. I don’t rely on the opinions of sheep or pay much mind to them.
So, what if Ryan goes? He won’t have time to hook up with anyone if he’s coaching his team. There’s a far greater chance of him finding a hook-up at college than on my hockey rink. When Patrick brought up jealousy, it was my knee-jerk reaction to go along with it because it’s not untrue. Iamseverely jealous. But I don’t think that’s my main concern this time. What is it then? Why is there a fucking knot in my chest, thinking about him there without me?
Me
I was fucking with you, dollface. You can go if you follow my rules.
The veins in my neck are ready to pop. I don’t want him there without me. How do regular people allow their spouses out of their sight? When Ryan’s officially my spouse, maybe I won’t.
Dollface
Rules???
Me
Aren’t you supposed to be showing me how pretty and obedient you can be?
Dollface
If you want pretty and obedient, you’ve picked the wrong man.
Maybe he’s right. And I don’t like the way he seems to turn my insides into chaos. But the idea of giving him up for any reason makes me murderous.
Know what? Fuck it. I’ll get there, even if I have to ignore all traffic laws to do it.
Me
I’ll be there by the end of the game. There’s shit I gotta take care of at the brewery.
It’s not a complete lie. There’s always something at the brewery for me to take care of.
Dollface
I gotta leave by midnight to make curfew.
Me
Then you’ll see me for thirty minutes. For those thirty minutes, you belong to me, dollface, and you’ll damn well show me how obedient you can be.
What the fuck am I doing? I have better things to do than drive an hour to be with him for thirty lousy minutes.
