Page 161 of Clinically Bewitched
“Quinton, please stop opening cabinets.”
“But what if the vibes are in the cabinets?”
“THEY’RE NOT IN THE CABINETS!”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m reasonably certain.”
“But not completely certain.”
“QUINTON!”
He opened another cabinet as I called Athena.
She answered on the second ring. “How’s it going?”
“Terribly. Everyone is assessing houses based on whether they’re sad or confused or have blocked spiritual flow. Nathan thinks houses have heartbeats. Gabriel is doing interpretive dance. Quinton is opening every cabinet in the greater metropolitan area.”
She laughed. “That sounds about right.”
“Athena, I need help. What am I supposed to be feeling?”
“Warmth,” she said. “Welcome. Like the house is happy you’re there. Like it’s been waiting for you.”
“Houses don’t wait for people.”
“The right one will.”
I looked around the perfect, objectively ideal house.
And felt... nothing. No warmth. No welcome.
Just space. Just walls and floors and windows.
“We’ll keep looking,” I said.
“You’ll find it,” she said. “Trust the universe.”
“The universe,” I said, “can bite me.”
She laughed and hung up.
House Four: Sunday, 10:00 AM
“I think I’m starting to understand,” Quinton said.
We were in a ranch house with an addition that didn’t quite match the original structure.
“Understand what?” I asked.
“The vibe thing. This house feels... wrong. Like the addition doesn’t belong. Like someone forced it.”
“That’s just aesthetic observation,” I said. “Not spiritual energy.”
“But isn’t that part of it?” Gabriel asked. “The way a space feels? The way it flows?”
“That’s architecture, not mysticism.”
