Page 85 of One of Us Is Guilty

‘What? What’s going on? Wha— Jesus fuckin’ Christ, fuck! What the fuck are those things?’

‘You shouldn’t fuckin’ swear so much,’ said Tony Two Fucks.

Out of the gloom, just visible in the low-level LED lighting, two huge reptiles moved toward the glass. The largest one came right up to the Lizard, looked at him and a long black forked tongue licked the glass.

‘Good boy, Ernie,’ said the Lizard.

‘This is Ernie,’ I said. ‘The smaller one is Bert. They’re Komodo dragons. And they’re hungry. My friend here works in disposal. In a digital world, it’s increasingly difficult to make a body disappear. Bert and Ernie solve that problem. They can rip through two hundred pounds of flesh and bone in no time.’

‘They don’t like the teeth, though,’ said the Lizard. ‘Teeth don’tdigest. They show up as little pearls in their turds. It’s easier on them if we take your teeth out when we chop up your body.’

‘W-what?’ said Cory.

‘I think your career as a photographer is over, one way or another,’ I said as I typed out the email to the editor on Cory’s phone. It didn’t take long. I let him stew in his panic. He watched as the Lizard laid out his tools on a leather cloth – a pair of pliers, his filleting knife and a bone saw.

‘So what will it be?’ I asked. ‘I can send this email, and you send back your fee for the photographs and play along nicely. Or I send the email, and you just disappear.’

‘Wait! Let’s talk! I can get them to take the pictures down, but I can’t say I doctored the images. There’s got to be another way.’

‘He’s not getting it,’ said the Lizard. ‘Maybe he’ll understand better when I’ve cut his foot off.’

He picked up the filleting knife.

‘No!’ screamed Cory.

‘You drugged his daughter,’ said Tony. ‘If it was up to me, I’d cut off your fuckin’ hands and feet.’

‘I’ll do it! I’ll do it!’

I hit send on the email, used his face to log into his banking app and found the payment for the pictures. Wired it back to the sender. Christine had already sent an email threatening to get an injunction to have the articles removed. Now, with written confirmation from the photographer that the picture was fake, it would come down fast.

‘We know where to find you, so make sure you don’t change your mind,’ I said.

‘Anything you want. Just let me go.’

‘Let him loose,’ I said.

Tony and the Lizard removed the straps and Cory, still trembling, sat up on the table.

‘Thank you, I swear I’ll play along. Just let me go and I swe—’

He didn’t see the Lizard throwing a right cross – it was too fast – but I saw the flash of his fist and Cory’s head rocking and then it hit the back of the table.

‘If it was the Lizard’s kid I wouldn’t chop him up,’ said the Lizard. ‘Just give him a small cut and throw him in there with Bert and Ernie, then grab some popcorn.’

‘I thought about it too,’ I said.

‘It’s a mistake, letting this prick live,’ said Tony.

‘We’ve got nothing to worry about,’ I said. ‘He doesn’t know where he is, and I guess you’re going to leave him unconscious on a street corner somewhere, so he can’t lead the cops here. He knows our names, but he won’t go to the authorities. He’s got no proof of anything other than a couple of bruises and a couple of loose front teeth. Besides, he doesn’t want the cops asking the hotel questions about one of their guests being roofied. He’s not connected to any criminal enterprise, and he’s scared shitless. We’ll be okay. Thank you both for what you’ve done. I’ll thank Jimmy personally next time I see him.’

‘You okay, Eddie?’ asked the Lizard.

‘Not really, but what’s new.’

‘If you need anything, call the Lizard,’ said the Lizard.

‘I’ll bear that in mind. Give Bert and Ernie an extra pork chop tonight.’