Page 83 of First in Line
“Listen, sweetie, I know things were rough at the end. But I’m so happy y’all found a way to make it work again.”
“Oh, Jada, no. We’re not—we’re not getting back together.”
“You ain’t?”
“No. I’m sorry if you were under that impression, but… I can’t do all that with your son again.”
The pause that follows is so long that I check the phone to make sure we weren’t cut. “Does he know that?” she aptly asks.
“I’m not sure. I—I don’t think so.”
Another few beats pass before she sighs and says, “You know, he was never the same after you left him.”
I close my eyes, focusing on not letting my emotions overwhelm me. “I couldn’t stay, Jada. I had to leave.”
“I know it was hard, sweetie. And you’re scared it’ll be just as hard now. But no matter what they say, peoplecanchange. I watched my son change in the years after the separation. He isn’t the boy he used to be anymore. And the man he has become would never make the mistakes he did back then.”
I don’t know what to answer, so I don’t.
“You were his entire world, Evie,” she continues.
My throat is tight with emotions, but I do my best to sound normal as I answer, “Me and racing.”
“No. Racing was his dream, you were everything else.”
“Did he know that?”
“He did, sweetie. And I’m so sorry he was bad at showing it. But he would call me when he was doubting himself. He would tell me how hard it was, how he wanted to quit everything and come back home. But he used to say, ‘I gotta do this for her, Mama. I promised her, so I can’t give up. Not when we’re so close.’”
A tear spills over to roll down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. “I loved your son so much, Jada. I loved him with all my heart, and you know that. But it got to the point where I had tochoose between my love for him and my own survival. And for once, for the first time in our entire relationship, I chose myself.”
She must hear how much the admission hurts me, because she doesn’t argue. Instead, she gently says, “I understand, sweetie.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m so sorry you two couldn’t make it work. And I’m so sorry it ended the way it did.”
“Me too.”
“But you know you’re still welcome to come visit us, right? Mitch and I love you like our own daughter. And we’ve been missing you a lot, Evie.”
Her kind words bring a smile to my lips. “I’d love to come visit, yes.”
“Good. Let me know when, and I’ll make that oxtail stew you used to love so much.”
“With cornbread?”
“And even my famous pecan pie, if you want.”
“I’ll come for lunch tomorrow if you don’t stop sweetening the deal.”
“We’ll have you any day of the week, Evie. Just let us know when.”
Jackson’s bare footsteps down the stairs distract me. “I will. Jax is back, I’m handing him the phone again.”
“Alright. It was nice talking to you.”
“You too. Goodbye, Jada.”
