Page 181 of First in Line

All I can do is nod, dazed. Am I dreaming? Did this really happen?

When her eyes descend to my lips and hers part just a little, I can’t stop myself from taking what I so desperately crave. Affection. A sign, anything, that tells me she still loves me, still wants me here.

She doesn’t fight or recoil when my mouth returns to hers. In fact, her fingers on my neck tug me in. My hand stops hovering in the air, and I bring it around her, pulling her into me with a firm press on her back.

Five months. Five months of missing my wife. Of missingher. Of worrying that our marriage couldn’t be fixed. Of thinking I’ve lost the one thing that truly matters. Five months of agony.

But finally, I feel like it might come to an end. We’ve found our way back to one another.

Our lips part at the same time, and our tongues are shy at first, scared to go too far and too fast. But they grow bolder with every second that passes until we’re making out with passion, as we used to.

I’m completely lost in it, entirely subdued by the moment and what it means, when she rips herself away. “You should go,” she breathes out. She’s still in my arms, flushed, panting, beautiful.

“I can stay.”

She shakes her head. “No, you have to go. You can’t skip a simulation day.”

“Right. I’ll see if I can get an earlier train so we can have the evening together.”

She seems a little distant as she nods. She allows me to give her another peck, and as I let her go, I say, “I love you, princess. See you tonight.”

“Goodbye, Jax. I’ll miss you,” she answers with a melancholic smile.

“I’ll miss you too, princess.” After one last look down at her, I rush into the garage.

For the first time since we lost Ophelia, I have the feeling we can pull through it. I can’t contain random smiles during the drive to the train station. All I can see is hope. That kiss has my mind flooded with it.

We’ll make it. I know we will.

By the time I return home early in the evening, I’m still not over what happened. I’ve replayed that kiss the entire day. Her smile, the way she looked at me, her words… Something shifted in Evie, something I’ve been waiting months for, and every time I think about it, hope blooms so violently in my chest it almost hurts.

We’ve stagnated for five fucking months. Walking in circles around each other, loving each other wrong, hurting each other. But this morning felt different. Softer. Honest. Like we’ve finally found our way back. And I know we have. I can feel it in my bones.

As the garage door closes behind me, I grab the bouquet from the passenger seat. I took a detour on my way home to get it. It’s the biggest arrangement they had, overflowing with pink and white flowers, exactly the kind she loves.

I thought about bringing her flowers before, gifts, jewelry, dumb little things that made me think of her. But every time, it felt wrong. Like trying to buy her forgiveness, to guilt her into letting me in.

But tonight, it feels right. This isn’t a bribe or a bargain. It’s a thank you. Thank you for finally allowing me back into her space. Thank you for showing me she still loves me. That she still wants me.

I’m smiling when I walk into the house.

“Evie?” I call out.

Silence greets me. The room is dark. Too dark. I didn’t notice when I pulled in. But the lights are off. It’s not normal.

My smile falters.

Maybe she fell asleep. Maybe she’s embarrassed about this morning, and this is how she decided to handle it. By being asleep when I came home, so she wouldn’t have to face the consequences of that kiss.

I place the bouquet on the kitchen counter and head upstairs, dismissing the uneasiness tugging at my gut. “Evie?” I call again, louder this time.

Nothing. Every light upstairs is off, too.

I reach the guest bedroom and stop in the doorway, my gaze immediately falling to the floor beneath it. I can still see the blood sometimes if I look long enough. Dried and smeared across the threshold. Enough of it to make me sick when I came home from Australia and saw it that day.

Enough to nearly lose her. I could also have lost my wife. My Evie.

I force the memory away and push the door open. Darkness stares back at me.