Page 91 of Mortala
Cautiously, I climb into the bed.She's so cold the chill sends a deathly shiver through me on contact, then I hook an arm over her waist and pull her back into me.Damn thing slots against my body like some cosmic entity built her specifically to fit in my arms, against my chest, and in the gaping hole I've had blown through my heart for decades.
Drawing the blanket over the both of us, I share my warmth and kiss the back of her head.My scruff captures a few rogue strands of her platinum hair that tickle, but I don't mind.It's the smallest price to pay for invading her bed and space.
This is where I'm meant to be.Not Oregon at briefings, or somewhere protecting debutantes who never have to look over their shoulders.Right here, with her.
As much as I like to keep things private and not allow people close enough to stick their nose where it doesn't belong, I want others to see us together.To know I'm happy even when I'm wiping up her blood and using a mop to make sure I've picked glass off the floor so her bare feet never know the pain of stepping on the shards.
I have to be careful though—if the wrong people know, it could backfire.Sadie's already beat the shit out of someone for their judgement; who's to say the guys won't look at me the same way?That I've taken advantage of her and have been since she was under age.I can argue all day that there wasn't a bit of interest until she turned twenty-one, but good luck getting very protective men to see it that way.
They'll come at me with Molotov’s and harpoons if I let them.Paint me as a predator instead of the man who had no choice but to fall for this spawn of Satan.
Between them and the monsters in her head, we're barely holding on anymore.As if that’s not another variable aimed at destroying both of us.I'm already stressed over losing her.Pretty sure I’m grayer now than I was when we first met, but if I lose her like I lost Dom?She might as well take me with her—a world without Sadie is not one I want to be part of.
Chapter thirty
‘Lias
DaythreeofSadie’spsychiatric hold and I'm going just as stir crazy as she is.Fortunately, her attitude has made a full recovery, so have the ups and downs of ill-medicated psychosis.
I do my best to stay out of her way and let her talk to the hospital staff as they come and go—especially after her smart-ass comment yesterday.However, she clams up every time the psychologist comes in to see her.
I don't think patients normally get daily visits but she's a special case apparently.The doc usually appears around fifteen-hundred, wakes Sadie up if necessary, asks her a bunch of new questions and pisses her off again.She shuts down, leaving me to fill in the gaps.
Today was particularly hard while revisiting Sadie's support system, or lack thereof.For an hour, we pulled teeth.Sadie would give one- or two-word answers then stop responding when prompted to explain.
Now, I've only been to a few therapy appointments, but I'm almost positive that's not how it works.She has to give something to the doc for her to find ways to treat her.
I understand both of their frustrations.Sadie doesn't trust anyone who attempts to dig around in her head and the doc can't help if Sadie won't open her mouth.
Today, though, she got a heavy dose of reality.
"I'm going to be frank with you, Miss Wilson.While I understand it's difficult to speak on matters that have left you traumatized and vulnerable, no amount of silence is going to fix you.I will not let you out of this hospital if you do not cooperate, as you are a danger to yourself and those around you.It would be against my moral code, and my professional diagnosis, if I let you leave.If you hurt someone, or yourself, I will be liable and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.I advise you to, at minimum, answer the questions.We can figure the rest out later once you're on a regular therapy schedule."
Ever heard of the phrase 'that will go over like a lead balloon?’Yeah, that's exactly how things happened.I wouldn't say Sadie showed her true colors, but she let the hidden ones out and gave the doc more than what she bargained for.
"You want me to talk?Fine, I'll fucking talk.You people think you have it all figured out.You swoop in, ask your repetitive questions, break people down, force them on pills that don’t help the problem, then collect a fat paycheck.Not a single fucking question you've asked me was aimed at locating the root cause of my psychosis, only the things that make it worse.When are you going to fix my brain instead of asking what part of history the symptoms belong to?The past is irrelevant!Do something to make me better or get out!"
Sadie shattered after the doc left.Tears poured from her exhausted eyes until it soaked the front of her gown.I can't imagine how disconnected and helpless she feels, being in here where no one seems to care.Hard to believe a stranger gives a damn when they're not around through the better days.
At her bedside, away from my uncomfortable roost near the window, my elbows dig unforgivingly into the tops of my knees as my hands brace my head.I've been watching her for a few hours.Afraid she will disappear.
Her poor eyes are puffy, hair's a tangle, and the lips I've not kissed near enough are soft from crying.She's curled on her side facing me.At least that counts for something—I hope it means I'm a comfort, even if it's a small one.
"Sunshine?"I keep my voice low and gentle.
She doesn't bother responding, simply opens her eyes with a slow flutter of her tear clumped lashes.
"I'm sorry you have to be here and relive everything," I start, praying she's truly listening."Please, let someone help you.You...you've taken the brunt of everything for so long.It's okay for someone else to shoulder the weight."
She stares through me like I’m made of glass and doesn’t make a peep.
"You're suffocating, I know.You're scared, don't trust anyone, and want to be left alone."
A slow alarm rings outside of the room and above us, calling a code blue.Movement beyond the door picks up—nurses rush down the hall with carts and fade into nothing.I never take my eyes off of Sadie.It's loud here; hard to heal in a place that never stops moving, but she doesn't have a choice.
"I get it.You don’t want to let people in but please, please Sunshine.I've lost enough people, don't make me lose you too."
Finally, her raspy voice fills the small space between us.
