Page 67 of Mortala
I have a small window to get this shit done before the woman who's poisoned me returns home.
Chapter twenty-three
‘Lias
Sevendaysistoofucking long when you're addicted to someone.
I'm not sure why I keep checking my phone; obsessively hoping Sadie’s maddening name appears in the notification bar.Calling me a dinosaur, or leaving a voicemail verbally berating me for not coming back—something other than silence.
But no, she’d never reach out first.
That would show weakness.Burden.No reason to add to the self-hatred sitting on the tip of her drippingly sweet tongue.
After all this time I'm still not accustomed to her avoidance.Of the times she did respond, the messages were full of vitriol.And, dare I say it, humor?If you look past her anger, of course.Those were the days my phone never stopped singing.Rapid fire messages demeaning me and I never got enough, like some masochist with a degradation kink.
I got a chuckle out of seeing her sass in text form.Over the past week, I've reread every single message.You’d have to torture me to hear me say that out loud, but I’ve kept every single one, from the day we swapped numbers to recently.Even the innocent inspirational ones she’d send when she was just a girl.
Now all I have is the hush.
The lull of war is louder than this and it's making my skin crawl.What the fuck could she be doing?I mean, she constantly dashes through my head but what else is there?Is she sleeping enough?Eating?Fuck, did she kill her therapist yet?
I managed to stay away for three whole days before I drove by her building—like a lost pup searching for home.Admittedly?Day five, too.I never parked or got out of the truck, though.At least I had the strength to leave instead of sitting there hoping to catch sight of her.
The cameras aren’t enough.
The worst part of all?I don't live in this damn city.My shit's on the other side of the country—a thousand-some-odd miles away collecting dust while I mope around with my self-inflicted emotional wounds.
A few days ago, Mav called me in for a job and I jumped at the opportunity.You’d think I was behind on bills or jonesing for cash, anything to keep me from thinking about my drug of choice—her.I didn’t bother listening to the details.Told him to send the assignment over and I’d start asap.After that, I was on a plane and out of Dodge.It enjoyed seeing everyone, even if briefly, because I wrapped the shit up fast, tied it off with a pretty black bow, then I came crawling back to Pennsylvania.
I returned a few hours ago and immediately got to work.Pages are scattered across the table with photos and details littering the white sheets in crisp black print.Next to it sits my glass of whiskey beaded with sweat, silently trickling down to the particle board table top.Some of the pages even manage to soak up the condensation, ensuring it doesn't get too far.
Between plopping my ass down on this chair, and now, I’ve gotten sidetracked on my phone.Hopelessly switching through security feeds and forgetting all about the drink.
As I lean back in a too-small chair, knees spread wide, my right foot bounces anxiously.I’ve chewed my left thumbnail down to the quick in my worry.It's not every night I have terrors, as I manage to keep the memories at bay, but the one I had last night has kept me wide awake since oh-three-hundred hours and is eating me alive.
My concentration abandoned me hours ago, so I’ve been obsessively watching the camera feed of Sadie’s apartment.Occasionally skimming documents tossed haphazardly in front of me before I’m inclined to do another visual sweep.
Someone put me out of my fucking misery.
Mav
Video brief in 20.
His message pops up, covering most of the screen and kills my fixation.I'm not angry, okay maybe a little annoyed, but it's a reprieve.
Frankly, I don't know who to feel sorrier for, her or me.We're both living in the same perpetual loop.On a ride we can’t seem to stop or escape.Even hanging off the edge, the g-force pins us in place without allowing either of us to fall off.
I removed myself from the situation but it means fuck all.I circle back around and rope myself into watching her live through a three by five screen like a creep.I want to fix every problem for her.Physical, mental, emotional—every damn one of them.No Band-Aids, super glue, or cement putty.Completely heal every crack she has because watching her fall apart is killing me.
I can't imagine what it's like to be trapped in her head all the time.How does Sadie do it?Not know who she really is, where she’s at, and what she’s doing?There are times I want to chain her down to a chair and secure her tormentors to an anvil—I might need to consider more than one when she’s on a rampage.We’d spend forever there if that’s how long it took for me to convince her the devils in her head are not real.Just splintered realities and rampant anger she can't cope with.The voices are hideous lies.Her injuries are caused by her own hands, and the visions are hallucinations from medication side effects.
I’ll never do it.Sadie needs people to believe her.Not write her off as someone who can’t be helped.Call it enabling if you want, but it’s far better than watching her hurt herself.Seeing her blood once was more than enough.The sight still haunts me, right along with the rest of the memories I long to forget.
Still leaning in the chair, the front two legs hover over the linoleum floor as I chase the rabbit.It’s across the room and over the windowsill, hopping into the evening sky while the last few rays spill into the living room.
Deep purples, blues, and a sharp-red inks the sky.Specks of glitter are already twinkling further in the distance.I barely notice the red flickering lights of a small aircraft as it moves across the horizon.All of the colors bleed and drip together thick and easy, like cosmic wax.The blobs drag stars with them as they fall to the earth.Faster and faster, they begin to move.No longer mesmerizing in their fluidity—pouring in long rivulets.
Thumps pound in the center of my chest; slow at first, then gaining speed when the dribbles turn into downpours.It echoes up both sides of my neck then deep dives into my ears, drowning out my twisted thoughts.A hint of iron hits my nose and a memory explodes in my vision.
