Page 106 of Mortala
"I shouldn't have.Go with her, you serve no purpose here other than being a pill popping junkie."
"I...I'll get better, I—"
She turns red with rage and comes at me.I stumble back, missing the curb and collapse onto the roadway.The demon reaches for me, her hand as black as it was when I was a child.Offering salvation when I want none.
Child, come.
"NO!"My voice shatters."I'd rather die."
Do it.Coward.
She rushes in, smothering me with her darkness.
Do what you should have done all along, and I'll own you for all of eternity!
Chapter thirty-seven
‘Lias
"Whatthefuckdoyou mean you can't find her!"
Kace's voice booms through the phone.His intensity makes my eardrums shy away as he keeps shouting through the speaker.I take his verbal beating—my pride thrown into a mausoleum built behind my Adam’s apple where it will die.
Asking for help isn't something I do.Hypocritical, really, when I'm the one who preaches to the guys the importance of working together and having each other's six.Smacking the knuckleheads in the back of their skulls when they forget there's a whole damn team at their disposal is part of what makes me an asset to Mav's team.
Instead, I've been the one biting the bullet and toughing it out without backup.Leave it to me to invalidate everything I've stood for and look like a damn liar.
I fucked up.
I tried to handle Sadie and her illnesses on my own by giving her space for decisions and control.Trust that she'd make the right calls and build a life for herself, but now I can't fucking find her.
Too much time has passed since she walked out and disappeared.She could be anywhere, someone could have taken her, or she might have hurt someone.The thoughts are endless in my guilt and I'm coming apart without knowing.I need help from someone who's just as good at tracking people as I am—a human bloodhound, so to speak.I'm only one man, in a city with millions of people and even more hiding spaces, searching for the woman who constantly slips through my damn fingers.
Kace helped me find her in the past, pointed me in the right direction, laid out every step from here to her location.He put me on foot while his eyes stayed on her until we both located and extracted her from Lucien.I may know his daughter far better than he ever will, but there's something about a father's protective instincts that will get me to her quicker than if I do this alone.
When Kate took my girl and ran, she left me to bleed out alone—I expect nothing less from a monster.As the blood drained, I actually wanted to lay down and give up.Let that be the end.
Nowadays, I don't remember what it's like to not have PTSD.If I had given myself a few more minutes to decide, I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering what’s happening anymore.I wouldn’t have any more night terrors, nor any reason to lace my boots in the morning solely to serve and protect people who don't give me a second glance either.I was ready—throw in the blood-soaked towel ready—to let go of things I can't control.
But Sadie happened.
She wouldn’t let me give up.
Her red-rimmed eyes, full of a lifetime of agony, cry-pinkened nose, and a heart begging to be loved lit a fire under my ass.There's no way her last memory of me will be of her taking my life while under the spell of wickedness.I won't do that to her.
Now, every move I make pulls at stitches I forced through my abused flesh.I nearly knocked everything into the floor when I went hunting for the first aid kit, terrified I wouldn't find it in time.Surprise, I’m still here, being held together by literal cotton thread.Feeding the string through the needle and cranking my split ends back together was the easy part.The bleeding, however?There are puddles everywhere in her apartment which I don’t know if I’ll live to clean up.
My stitchwork looks like a child sewed two different fabrics together with the bunched ends and uneven placement.I’ll need to have some scalpel wiz fix it later; all that matters now is I managed to get it done.A few pills and a swig of whiskey will tide me over, pain wise—push me through the misery long enough to find Sadie.We’re running short on time now if the demons have her, she may never come back.
"P...Patto—"
"How fucking long have you been in town, Elias?How have you seen her?Did you talk to her?"He rapidly fires questions over the phone at me.
"Patto—"
"Where the hell are you!"
"Patton!Stop for one goddamn minute.I'll answer your shit later, right now just...just please help me find her!Fuck!"I shout.
