Page 98 of Sexting the Pakhan

Me:You’re going to get me in trouble.

Unknown Number:With who?

I almost laughed, but it came out as a shaky breath.

Me:My children are asleep in the next room.

Unknown Number:Then stay quiet.

That did something terrible to me.

I turned my face into the pillow and moved my fingers faster, trying to keep control while my body had absolutely no interest in control. He kept texting, each message short enough to read through blurred vision, calm enough to make me feel like he was there in the room, telling me what to do.

Unknown Number:Breathe.

Unknown Number:Don’t stop.

Unknown Number:Think of a mouth there, my mouth. I’m excellent with my mouth.

Unknown Number:Think of being held down.

I thought of Ruslan then.

Not because I wanted to, but because the body is a traitor with a long memory.

I saw his shoulders over me, felt the weight of him, heard his voice telling me not to hide. The image hit so hard that my fingers slipped and I had to stop for a second, breathing into the pillow, angry with myself for needing a man who had sent me away.

Unknown Number:Did you stop?

Me:I needed a second.

Unknown Number:Why?

Me:Bad memory.

Unknown Number:Or good one?

I stared at the screen. My throat tightened.

Me:Both.

There was a long pause. For once, I thought he might ask.

He didn’t.

Unknown Number:Then use the good part.

I hated how kind that felt. I hated that it felt like permission.

So I closed my eyes, let the bad part fade as much as it could, and kept the good part. The heat. The weight. The voice. The way wanting had felt simple for a few breathless moments before life came back with teeth.

My fingers moved again. Slow at first, then not slow at all.

Me:I’m close.

Unknown Number:Good.

Me:Don’t say good like that.