Page 142 of Sexting the Pakhan

But she doesn’t know what happened before that.

She doesn’t know where I went after Ruslan pulled me out of the library. To that house outside the city, the one near the water, where the air smelled like salt and rain and expensive wood. I stayed there longer than I should have. Long enough to stop being afraid of the silence. Long enough to learn how he drank his coffee. Long enough to let him touch me like I was something he had been waiting for and something he could not keep.

Karina doesn’t know about that.

She doesn’t know I slept in his bed.

She doesn’t know the twins are his.

No one knows that part.

Not Karina. Not my parents. Not Ruslan.

It’s a terrible secret to carry, but one that has kept my daughters safe. Until now…

“Zoya?”

I blink. “There’s nothing there.”

Karina looks down. She doesn’t believe me.

Dr. Mehra doesn’t either, but she’s kind enough not to say it directly.

Instead, she says, “Then be careful. Because whatever he feels, it doesn’t look casual.”

I laugh once, quietly. “Nothing with Ruslan has ever been casual.”

Karina’s head lifts.

I realize what I’ve said too late.

Dr. Mehra catches it too.

For a few seconds, none of us speaks.

Then Dr. Mehra gives a small nod, like she understands more than I wanted her to. “Call me if the bleeding starts again. Or if the girls wake up frightened and you need help calming them.”

“I will.”

She looks at Karina. “Walk me out?”

Karina’s face changes. “Yes.”

I look between them. There it is again.

After they leave, I return to my living room. Somehow, I thought Ruslan would have disappeared by now, but he’s still there. He’s too weak to leave. I feel a sliver of relief, and quickly hide it away.

Dr. Mehra was right.

It is not casual. It has never been casual.

And now, with my daughters asleep down the hall and his blood drying on my floor, I have no idea how much longer I can pretend it was.

19

RUSLAN

The dream beginsin the library.