Page 180 of Brutal
“I spent years denying who Halstead was to me,” I say. “And now I don’t get that distance anymore.”
“No.”
I lift my hand and place it flat against his chest. “I’m not going back to that version of myself,” I say. “I can’t.”
“Then what are you now?”
I don’t hesitate. “Not objective. I’m done pretending I don’t feel this.”
“What you feel doesn’t change what I did.”
“I know.”
“Then why?—”
“Because it doesn’t change what I choose.”
That stops him.
Completely.
“I’m not choosing this because it’s right,” I say. “Or easy.”
“It’s neither.”
“I know.” I draw in a breath. “I’m choosing it because it’s true.”
He exhales slowly. “I’d tell you that you’re making a mistake, but I’m making the same one.”
“Probably.” I smile. “But at least we’re doing it with our eyes open.”
He pulls me into his arms. “You’re not supposed to stay.”
“I know.”
“After seeing everything.”
“I saw it before,” I say quietly. “I just didn’t let myself call it what it was.”
He slides his hands up my back and stops at my neck. That same place.
I tilt my head, and he brushes his lips against mine.
It’s not a kiss, really. Not the kind of kisses we’ve shared before. It’s more of a question. He made his choice. I made mine. Now we’re asking each other if we’re sure.
Is anyone ever truly sure of anything? You can think you are, in the moment. But things change. Life changes.
People die.
Others kill them.
I stand here, my lips against the man who ended the man who gave me life. I didn’t know Halstead, didn’t have a relationship with him. If I had, I probably wouldn’t be here.
But still, I wouldn’t exist but for him.
So he, along with my mother, gave me the ultimate gift.
I part my lips. Samson’s tongue dives between them.
