Page 67 of One More Dare
“Yeah, that’s not the part I need help with. Anyway, last night I hooked up with Porter, and I thought we both really enjoyed it. But this morning he rushed out of the rental and barely talked to me. Slept the whole ride home. I don’t know if I did something wrong or what to do, but I care about him a lot, and I can’t fuck this up,” I admit.
“Um, do you have feelings for him? Is Will Carter catching feelings? I never thought I’d see the day!” Cam ribs me.
“Not the point!” I remind him, rolling my eyes. “What the hell did I do wrong? I feel so discarded.”
“Maybe you just suck at hooking up with another dude,” Nathan finally adds to the conversation.
“Screw you, like you’d be any better,” I joke, relieved he’s not being weird about it. “Besides, I think I did pretty good for my first time.”
Nathan avoids eye contact, and Cam looks lost in thought, but neither of them are helping me. Yeah, I definitely should’ve just called my parents.
“Any ideas?” I push.
“Okay, I know I was giving you shit, but my point stands. Do you actually want to date him? I just don’t get the problem when you hate repeats.”
Cam brings up a valid point, but I don’t feel like those “rules” apply to Porter. Everything about hooking up with him felt different. I regret not talking to him more in-depth before we hooked up because I don’t know if I can handle him icing me out. The more I think about it, today felt like we were already drifting so far apart, even when he was right next to me.
I consider Cam’s question more because this is part of the reason I didn’t have a talk with Porter in the first place. I don’thave an answer. I’ve never dated anyone. I have no idea what that would even be like.
“Fuck, I don’t know about dating. But I want to do it again. It was different, he’s different, and I don’t know how to explain it. But it sucks feeling like roles are reversed for me, and for the first time, I don’t know what to do, but I want more of him.”
“Tell us what actually happened,” Nathan suggests, and I’m relieved he wants to help, that he really doesn’t seem upset by my coming out to him, so I do.
Leaving out all the personal details, like the dildo, and focusing on how we hooked up, talked, cuddled, went to bed, then his behavior this morning.
“I’ve got nothing.” Cam seems dumbfounded when I explain, and it’s exactly how I feel too.
“Shit.”
“Yooo.” The door opens and Decker’s voice booms through the space as he walks in the living room.
“Let me know if you guys think of anything.” I’m not ready to have this unhelpful conversation all over again, so I just nod to Decker in greeting and head to my room to unpack, unsure where to go from here but determined to figure it out.
29
PORTER
“Wake up, sleepyhead!” Josie shouts as she climbs into bed with me. Apparently I was able to fall asleep after dramatically plopping face down onto my bed the moment I got home.
Despite pretending to sleep the entire drive here, I couldn’t actually relax enough to get any real rest until I was alone. My decision to go with the flow and enjoy the moment with Will was a lot harder to keep up for a second day when I knew we’d be coming back to campus and going our separate ways.
I tried my best to still be casual and breezy but it was so much easier to close my eyes and overthink all my life choices.
I don’t know if I’m built for casual like Will is.
I’d much rather talk about Josie’s night than mine right now, so I rush to steer the conversation there as I sit up a bit and face her. “Hey, how’d the surprise engagement thing go?”
Josie brightens instantly. “Oh my god, it was actually perfect. Carrie’s sister had no idea. Like, zero clue.”
“That’s impressive.”
“Her sister cried,” Josie continues. “Carrie cried, too. It was really sweet, and the ring was absolutely stunning. Aaandthey liked me. Or so Carrie tells me, but that’s the vibe I got too.”
“That’s amazing!” Meeting someone’s family is a huge deal, but throwing in being queer and a surprise engagement? That’s a hell of a lot of pressure in one dinner. I’m really glad it went so well.
“Her mom hugged me for a full minute. It was really sweet, and her sister was so welcoming. Even her fiancé. It couldn’t have gone better.”
I smile. “That’s huge. I’m so happy things are going so well for you both and it worked out.”
