Page 84 of The Red Woman on Mars

Vivian obeyed, placing a leg on either side of his and bracing her hands at his shoulders. She had a sudden, terrifying vision of falling and breaking one of his bones and fully derailing their plans for the morning. But no, the position was easy to maintain in this gravity, even in distracting circumstances.

Xavier—who Vivian was beginning to understand was definitely aroused by danger—wet his lips. “Oh, very nice. Don’t move.” He pulled down the loose tank top and put his mouth on her breast. Vivian’s arms trembled. He slipped his hand into the inside of her waistband and circled her wetness. His eyes widened. “I’d say you like this very much.”

Vivian’s legs were shaking as his fingers dipped inside her, pleasure mounting. “I can’t—I’m going to fall.”

Xavier hadn’t stopped moving his fingers, finding a rhythm that made her gasp, “You’re so strong here. Your muscles can’t be tired yet.” He brought his tongue to her nipple.

Vivian concentrated on staying still and not bringing her full weight onto his fragile bones. Her whole body shook with the effort. Her entire world had shrunk to this moment. To his mouth and fingers. To the pulsing need in her core.

Her climax hit her unexpectedly. Vivian gripped the blanket with one clenched fist, gasping as she writhed inches above him, a corner of her brain still focused on keeping him safe.

She rolled off Xavier and collapsed on her back. Her breath came rapidly, and her body sang with a sense of deep satisfaction.

“That’s what I meant by surrendering,” Xavier murmured. He seemed a bit smug as he watched her try to wrestle her breathing under control.

“Is it always like that?” she panted.

Xavier put one arm behind his head. “No.”

“What was it like with Silas?” she asked without thinking.

Xavier sat up abruptly. She shouldn’t have asked. She’d broken the beautiful spell between them.

“Was it that obvious?”

“His hatred of you is very … personal. And I was there in the command center.”

Xavier winced. “I’d rather hoped you missed the whole show.”

“I saw.”

Xavier grunted low in his throat. The silence stretched between them. And then, he said softly, “We were so young when we started. Boys experimenting. But he had a dark streak, even then. Especially after my father died.”

“Did you like his darkness?”

“Oh yes,” Xavier murmured. “After what happened with my parents, I craved what Silas offered me. Took solace in it when my heart was breaking. But looking back on it, he was showing mehis true nature. Only, I was too naïve to understand at the time.” He turned to her and ran a hand down her arm. “What I like—what we did just now—was looking for a limit. We didn’t cross it, but we might have. For a moment, you were afraid you’d hurt me, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” Vivian whispered.

“You could’ve stopped at any time. You didn’t because you trusted me. You surrendered to me. But if you hadn’t liked it, you could’ve stood up, and I wouldn’t—Icouldn’t—have stopped you.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “It wasn’t like that with Silas.”

“What was it like?”

“We were both soangry. So broken. Newly men with adult responsibilities. Abandoned by my father when we both needed his mentorship and guidance the most.” Xavier swallowed. “We took it out on each other. Silas wanted to push me past my limits. I would tell him to stop, and he would laugh. That—” He shuddered. “That wasn’t the first time he’d used a knife. But I found it exciting, at least for a while. When I was a young man. Before I understood why we revere consent here. I didn’t understand then that it was a form of abuse. And when I finally realized what was happening and found the strength to break it off for good, he …”

“He went after your sister,” Vivian finished.

“Yes.”

“In the command center, you—he said—” Vivian hesitated before blurting, “You were aroused.”

“I was. Even with what he did to Delilah fresh in my mind and my chest covered in his handiwork, my body still responded to his.” Xavier pulled his legs to his chest. “My psychologist says my early traumatic sexual experiences have given me low sexual self-efficacy and make me unable to distinguish between high-risk and low-risk sexual behaviors.”

“Oh … I just thought you were turned on by danger.”

Xavier huffed a laugh. “That’s perfect. So simple. No psychodynamic psychotherapy required.” He turned to her. “Are you angry I didn’t tell you the full truth sooner?”

“No, of course not. You deserve your privacy. And we both know I have no claim on you.”