Page 64 of Earned Husband

“I think it has to be,” I said. “Before the plans go any further and the engagement events start.”

“True. Okay, so ask what you need to ask.”

I held her gaze. “Is this really what you want?”

“It is.” She didn’t look away from me or even seem surprised by the question. I studied her face for a beat, searching for any sign of a lie, but I didn’t find anything. “It’s what I want, Colin.”

Relief spiraled through me and I felt a smile start to form on my lips. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yep. I just needed to hear you say it,” I admitted. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I take marriage very seriously.”

“I’d be worried if you didn’t. I take it seriously too.” She bumped her shoulder gently against mine. “We’re on the same page.”

“Are we, though? I know our families are treating this like a merger. To everyone else, it’s business, but to me, it’s about you, Deja. I’d never hurt you and I realize that this is an arranged marriage, but I…”

I trailed off for a beat and she waited patiently for me to work through it instead of interrupting, watching as I looked out at the reflection of the lights shimmering on the water. None of this was easy for me, and I was sure it wasn’t easy for her either, but after our letters, I also knew that it was safe to tell her what was really on my mind.

“I consider myself to be pretty traditional,” I said finally. “I mean, obviously, I’m nothing in comparison to your family, but my parents are divorced and I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t ever want the person I’m with to feel like she’s second best or like she just needs to hang on for appearance’s sake.”

When I finally looked back at her, her golden eyes held mine intently. Strangely, instead of that making it awkward, seeing the patience and understanding in her gaze made it easier.

“The thing is, I’ve seen so many people treat marriage like it’s temporary,” I said. “A lot of people in my world act like you can always just walk away if being married becomes inconvenient, but that’s never been what I wanted. I don’t want getting married to be something we do right now just because it’s being expected of us while both of us keep one foot out the door.”

She stepped a little closer. “That’s not what I want either.”

I smiled, reaching for her hand and twining our fingers together. “The point is that I don’t know exactly what we’re walking into. We’re still getting to know each other and this is all happening in a completely ridiculous order, but I want you to know that it’s really not just business to me and I don’t ever want you to feel trapped.”

“You’ve mentioned that.”

“Yeah, I know, but if you’re unhappy, we’ll call it off.” Even just saying those words out loud felt wrong, but that didn’t make them any less true. “Nothing is set in stone, Deja. I don’t care about other people’s plans or the companies. When it comes to marriage, the only thing I care about is that you’re happy.”

For a long moment, she simply looked up at me, but then she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners and genuine warmth radiating from every inch of her beautiful features. Seeing her looking at me like that lit me up in ways I’d never felt before. My fingers instinctively tightened around hers to finally draw her closer to me.

She moved willingly, even bringing her free hand to my chest and letting her palm rest gently over my heart as she stared up me. “I am happy, Colin, but everything you just said makes me even happier. Just like this, I’m not even just happy. I’m excited.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “I’ve spent my entire life surrounded by noise. My family turns everything into a debate worthy of TV, they interrupt, and they yell, and they’re always there, loud, and emotional, and dramatic.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed some of that.”

She smiled. “I thought you might have, but then, there’s you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you’re not like that,” she said. “You’re calm, quiet, and thoughtful.”

I wasn’t sure anyone had ever said that about me before, but I didn’t interrupt, realizing that it was my turn to let her work through it now. “You listen and you think before you speak. Being around you is peaceful for me, which isn’t something I ever thought I’d get to have, but you make me feel safe and heard. You allow me to breathe and to just… be.”

She paused for a beat, but those eyes never left mine. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I have to perform, or explain myself, or constantly be on the move. I’ve never felt like I can be myself as much as I do when I’m with you.”

After a few more beats of staring up at me, she sighed. “I’m actually more worried aboutyouduring this process.”

I frowned. “Why? I’ve done my research. I know the engagement ceremonies begin tomorrow. I know about the dowry and stuff like that, so I have an idea of what to expect. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, maybe, but reading about it and living it are two completely different things,” she said. “Things are going to get really, really insane, Colin.”