Page 219 of Just for the Plot

So the question is: Do I love him back?

“Bower?”

“What?” I ask, snapping out of my thoughts.

“Do you think he’s in love?”

My mouth goes dry.

My pulse hammers.

And the fight-or-flight feeling that would normally pump throughme in a situation like this slowly starts to disappear as the thought of Bennett—the kind, sweet, thoughtful man that he is—could actually fall in love with the hot mess that I am almost feels…too good to be true.

It’s also not something I can answer for him, nor do I want to.

I shake my head as if she can see me. “No, I don’t think he’s in love,” I answer, letting out a deep breath.

“Oh, really? I don’t know, I really got a different impression. Have you seen a change in his behavior?”

I’d say so…

“Uh, you know, I feel like this is not the conversation for me,” I answer, just wanting to move past this, because I’m feeling a gauntlet of emotions that I was not expecting. “Actually, Adalade is flagging me down, so I have to go. Love you, Gabby.”

And before she can even say bye, I hang up.

Fuck, this is…this is unbelievable. He loves me. He has to and I think…oh God, I think…

I’m about to say it out loud when Gabby’s face pops into my mind, immediately reminding me why I’m a terrible person.

I bury my head in my hands as the feeling of betrayal, guilt, and disappointment in myself collide in the pit of my stomach, making me nauseous.

He loves me, but I don’t think I can love him.

I don’t think I’m allowed to.

Standing, I rush to the bathroom, where I shut the door and sit down on the floor next to the toilet. The stress of it all, the deception—it’s almost too much for me.

Tears prick at my eyes as I lean over the toilet and my nerves get the best of me right before I throw up, tears streaming down my face and my nausea winning out.

Gabby:Hey, that was weird how you ended the call. I feel like things have been weird between us. Is everything okay?

Gabby:I know you’re busy and I don’t want to bother you, but I feel like we talked about you moving to Almond Bay and doing the book truck thing and if I pressured you too much, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. You know I love you and I’m happy wherever you are.

Gabby:I just want to talk to my friend. I shouldn’t have hounded you about Bennett. I know you don’t really spend that much time with him, or maybe you do, I don’t know. Maybe I was feeling jealous and I haven’t heard from you much. We promised to always be honest with each other and it just seems like things are off, and ugh, I’m sorry I was just so curious. It seems like he’s distanced himself as well.

Gabby:I miss you guys. Hopefully when I come down for the playoff game, I’ll see you. Maybe you won’t be too busy.

Gabby:Okay, you’re probably busy, that’s why you’re not responding. Love you, Bower. Miss you. Text or call when you get a chance.

“Okay, that would be great. Thank you so much,” I say before hanging up the phone.

I check the box on my never-ending to-do list that seems to continue to grow with every new thing from Adalade—she couldn’t have chosen a worse time to throw a dinner party to impress Draco, who, if he doesn’t show up, I will find out where he lives, drag him by the ear, and personally deliver him to Adalade myself.

Letting out a sigh, I sit back in my chair just as a pair of black sweatpants come into view.

“Nice seeing you here.” I look up to find Cougar smiling down at me. “This seat taken?”

Surprised to see him, I shake my head as he sits, sets his cup of coffee down on the table, and then pulls out a protein bar from his pocket, placing that on the table as well.