Page 179 of Just for the Plot

She’s fucking here.

What does that mean?

Whatever it is, I can’t get my goddamn hopes up, because I don’t think my heart can take getting dragged twice, well…three times in one day.

“Bennett.” She sniffs and wipes at her eyes. “I…I think I’m falling for you.” My breath escapes my lungs from those six words.

I think I’m falling for you.

Fuck, how I bled to hear those words from her, for so damn long, and now that she’s said them, it doesn’t feel real.

“And I can’t stop that feeling, no matter how hard I try or what I tell myself.”

My heart hammers in my chest, joy ready to burst out of me, but I hold back, because she’s crying about it, which means she could say the words but still take them away from me. Like she did only a few hours ago.“It doesn’t matter, because you and me, it can’t happen. I need to move on.”

She shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I can’t like you, Bennett. I fucking can’t, but every time I breathe, I swear I can smell your cologne. Every time I eat something, I swear I can taste you on my tongue. And every time I close my eyes, you’re there, in my dreams, waiting to hold me, love on me. You’re everywhere, no matter how much I try toavoid it and it’s…it’s plaguing me. Eating me alive, making it so I can’t even function without thinking about your smile or the way you touch me. Just make it stop. Please…please make it stop.” She starts sobbing and then pulls her knees to her chest and buries her head in her hands. “I want it to stop.”

Fuck.

That kills me.

I can’t take seeing her like this, in so much pain. As much pain as I was in, this is worse. This makes me ache in a way I’ve never felt before, like someone is slowly, torturously ripping out my heart one second at a time, tugging and pulling so slowly that I feel every last ounce of agony.

Ineed it to stop. I can’t see her like this, feeling like this, so I do the one thing I know to do. I kick off my shoes and socks and then slip under the covers and pull her onto my lap, where she curls into my chest and fists the collar of my shirt as she continues to sob.

I rub my hand soothingly up and down her back, kissing the top of her head, and trying to take that pain away from her any way that I know how.

I try to ease her agonizing.

I try to make it fucking better even though I don’t know how.

She likes me but doesn’t want to. That’s a hard reality to face, because I want nothing more than to take her and make her mine. But she wants me to give her up, and I just don’t know if I can do that. She lives and breathes under my skin, always. I’ll never be able to shake her.

“I don’t want to like you, Bennett.”

“I know,” I say calmly.

“I don’t want to think about you.”

“I know,” I repeat, her words like a knife slashing over my chest.

“I don’t want to have this burning ache inside of me every fucking time I see you.” She lifts up, her eyes glossy with tears, her lips trembling. “But I do. I need you. These last ten days were torture. I thought about you all the time and wanted you here, with me, right here, in your bed.”

“I wanted that too, baby,” I say softly, my hand slipping under her shirt to rub her bare back. “I was agonizing over not seeing you every day.”

Her lip trembles some more as tears spill down her cheeks. “I can’t have you. I can’t…have any part of you. Not these strong, comforting arms. This handsome, sincere face. These soft, addicting lips…” Her fingers brush over my face, her breath catching as she stares at my mouth. “I can’t have any of it, but I want it. I want you, all of you. I want to be able to stop pretending like I don’t feel anything, because I do. I feel so much for you, Bennett.”

“Then allow yourself to feel—”

She shakes her head. “I’ll lose Gabby. I can’t lose her. And I promised her I’d take care of you, watch over you. I promised, Bennett. From when I first met her, I told her I’d be by her side, helping her with you.”

My brow furrows. “I don’t need to be taken care of. I’m a grown-ass man who can make my own choices, and it’s about time she realizes that and you realize that because I choose you, Bower.”

She continues to shake her head. “Don’t…please, don’t say that. Please.”

I can see her will slipping, her wall cracking, and maybe this is not the right thing to do, given her moral dilemma, but to hell with it if I’m going to let a promise she made to my sister dictate what happens between us.

I slip my finger under her chin and force her to look me in the eyes. On a deep breath, I say, “You’re it for me. Where I’m concerned, I’m done searching. I’ve found who I want, and I won’t let some idle promise stop me from taking what I want. I’m not going anywhere, Bower, and I’m not going to stop.” And then, I take a risk and bring my mouth to hers, a centimeter apart, waiting for her to say no, to stop me, but when she doesn’t say anything, I press my lips to hers and feel her melt into me the moment our mouths connect.