Page 99 of Death of a Mortal

When I woke,I felt as if my brain were enveloped in a thick fog. My limbs were made of lead, sleep crusting the corners of my eyes. I remembered pieces of horrible dreams—there had been fire and screaming and dark powers.

Sitting up on the cold floor of my too-familiar cell, I shook my head to rid myself of these chilling dreams, sending a throb through my skull.

Except, what wasn’t familiar were the metal cuffs attached to both wrists. They didn’t usually cuff me in my cell. As I stared at them, the unease in my stomach built.

I tried to reach out to Noxie in my mind, but he didn’t answer.That wasn’t like him. He was always in my head, even when I didn’t want him to be.

Surely that thought should have earned me a sarcastic response.

But I remembered today was my Nella day, and all I’d have to do was get through this ball I’d been training for all week, and I’d see her, and nothing else mattered except that. The king had kept his word thus far, so I knew she’d be here.

Something nagged at the corners of my mind as if I were forgetting something, but I guessed it was nerves over the dances I had to remember.

Except I was already in a ball gown. That was odd. How…

When I turned my hands over, I found one palm caked with dried blood.

And then it all hit me at once—they weren’t dreams. This was my reality.

Nella was dead, murdered by the king.

The queen and Varyn stood by while it happened.

I was still in the dress I’d knelt in when she took her final breath.

And I…gods, what had I become?

Fear, panic, and crippling grief all chased each other around in my heart. My strange, beast of a heart that I was terrified of after seeing it finally come to life, after feeling its rage build for months. Years maybe.

The image of Nella, pale and still, in a pool of blood on the ballroom floor seared itself into my eyes and refused to leave. In her image, the confusion of the beast that came from me paled in comparison.

Nothing mattered in a world without Nella.

I screamed, and it scorched my already raw throat, as if my voice could reach her in the afterlife. I thrashed against the bars of the cell as if I could rip them apart to get to her body, even though I wasn’t sure where it was. I pounded the stone walls until my hands were bloody, as if I could break my way through these walls and...

And exist in a cruel and meaningless life.

I fell into a heap in the middle of the darkened cell and sobbed, yelling to the gods and Caelia at the cruelty, at how unfair it was that I lived and she did not. What wicked twist of fate took my innocent, sweet, and beautiful little lamb and left me—flawed, hateful, and scarred—alive?

I cursed the gods. Over and over again, I cursed them, one by one, all by name.

Except Rathion, god of war. To him I prayed. Prayed for the opportunity to escape this hell and bring the wrath of an entire army to the cruel king’s doorstep.

The tears didn’t stop for a long time. Until I felt like my body would shrivel up from the loss. And even then, I sobbed without tears.

I rocked back and forth with my knees hugged to my chest, staring at my mother’s bones, arms wrapped tight around me to keep from unraveling physically the way my mind was. I was coming apart, and without Nella, I couldn’t find a way to stay together.

I had denied; I had raged; I had cried. But I could not accept.

Caedryn. Varyn. Dumb and Round. Cassius. Aemilia. Purple-eyed blacksmith. Naci.

I added myself to my kill list because, once they were all dead, I would no longer have a purpose. My will to live left with Nella. My purpose now only remained to end those who ripped my life apart.

And ended hers.

After that, there was nothing left. And maybe I could find her in the afterlife, after I’ve avenged her death, if I were welcomed there. But not a moment sooner, no matter how bad it hurt to stay in this realm alone. I couldn’t look her in the eyes in Vale while her murderer still walked the land of the living.

So I wallowed in despair, but I lived.