Page 173 of Death of a Mortal

I nodded, and he left.

“Do you want to talk about the…experience?” Drayce asked me when we were alone.

“No. I want to process it all, if that’s okay.” The fact that the shadow monster in my chest, which I had feared for so long, was actually just me was unsettling, and I needed to absorb it before I could even voice it to Drayce. To anyone.

“Of course. I’m here when you’re ready. I’m going to get some sleep for a few hours. You can join me if you’d like.”

I smiled at him as he kissed my temple.

He turned to leave, stopping, though, to say, “You showed restraint, Naci, even if you didn’t intend to or know it. You didn’t kill Brennor. Your shadows aren’t bad.”

With a small smile, he walked away, and I realized how exhausted and spent I was. He was right, though. My shadows had wanted to kill, but…

There was so much to process, and I wasn’t sure that I enjoyed being in my vey form. It was extremely unsettling, the…lack of feeling. The duality in my heart made me nervous, but at least my shadows had done what I asked—not harming the ones I care about.

But those that I didn’t? It seemed my shadows didn’t care whether others lived or died. That would be dangerous anywhere but in the presence of family.

Weirder still was how willingly they obeyed Drayce, all jokes aside. I didn’t know why and couldn’t even begin to fathom it.

I supposed he was as good a fail-safe as the magic-blocking ring.

The good news was that I now understood the “beast.” And if I let my vey form blow off steam from time to time, our pact made me believe I was safe from explosions.

Maybe the shadow wielders of the past didn’t have a Drayce. Or maybe their beasts inside hadn’t been so willing to compromise.

Or maybe I was just scratching the surface of my dark powers…

After thinking through the events over and over, and then just staring at the ocean with no thoughts for a while, I took a deep breath and headed back into the main cabin to find it empty except for Bramick.

“Impressive display,” he said with a grunt, filling an empty glass with red wine and sliding it across the table. He seemed shaken.

I sat down in front of it and took a long sip.

“You know what I found interesting?” He gave me a knowing grin.

“Save it, Bramick.” I knew he was going to bring up Drayce and me. I realized with a rush of embarrassment that he’d held me, touched my face in front of everyone.

It was embarrassing to know there had been so many witnesses to our…situation, but it also made me smile. It hadn’t been possessive or clingy. It had been genuine and warm. Not claiming, but grounding.

“Has he told you why he doesn’t let his vey form out?”

I stilled. “No…”

“Course not, the closed-off dunce.” He laughed, but I clung to every word, hoping I might finally understand why Drayce was soreserved and non-forthcoming. “I doubt he’ll tell you, so I don’t mind being the one to. You should know if you’re gonna…ya know.”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t “gonna” anything yet. We’d slept together, and it had been a spectacular night, but I needed to figure out, after this was all over, if that had been the nerves and fear, or genuine feelings.

Bramick cleared his throat and looked down at his glass. “When Drayce was a child, something happened. I wasn’t there, and the ones who were don’t talk about it anymore, from what I understand.”

My chest tightened.

“All I know,” he continued, “is that he lost everyone that night. And he never once blamed the world for it. He blamed himself. Whatever his vey is…it isn’t small. And it isn’t kind. And I know he’s terrified that if he ever lets it loose again, there won’t be anything left worth saving—of him, or the ones he loves.”

I remembered Drayce telling me his whole family had died when he was young. My heart felt as if it was being squeezed in a vice. Had he accidentally killed everyone he loved while in his vey form? Maybe his first transformation?

“You’re the first thing I’ve ever seen in the decade that I’ve known him that makes him forget he’s afraid of himself.”

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and rage and take it all away from Drayce, because everything about him made sense to me now. And if Bramick had known him for ten years and had never seen his vey form, then Drayce must be battling every day inside to keep it contained, if it was anything like mine.