Page 164 of Death of a Mortal

Drayce nodded his agreement. “Get some rest, you three,” he said to Kellan, Bramick, and Aerie. “After tonight, we get very little sleep until the king is dead.”

They left Drayce and me alone, the silence deafening. Everything was on the line.

“Are you scared?” I asked him as he sat down on the couch he’d been sleeping on for over two months now. I turned my chair to face him fully.

He thought for a second and gave a tired half-smile. “Of dying? I’ve been ready for a long time if it happens. But there are some things I fear that would be worse than my death.”

“What things?” My heart started racing, and I didn’t know why.

He leaned back on the couch, studying me where I still sat at the table. “Every person I care about will be on this mission…losing them, failing to protect them, is unbearable to even think about. That is my worst fear. I—we lost Keryth last time we tried to kill Caedryn. We lost half the infiltration team, too. I was…not okay for a long time after that.”

I swallowed as the backs of my eyes prickled with tears.

“It was cruel that she didn’t make it and I did. She was powerful, fearless, vicious. She sacrificed herself that day. If she hadn’t every one of us would have died.”

A tear slipped down my cheek. “We’re gonna make it, Drayce. We’ll succeed this time. For her.”

“I haven’t been able to bring myself to face him again. But now we’re out of time. Now we have no choice. And there’s so much left unsaid.”

His glow pulsed faster, in time with my own rapid heartbeat. There seemed to be emotions behind his gaze that he still hadn’t voiced as he looked at me.

“Why do you hold back from me?” I asked. Apparently, the thought of imminent death acted as an even better motivator than wine. “For months, I’ve seen the way you look at me, heard how you talk to me versus everyone else. Why?”

He took a deep breath, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “At first, it was because I thought you’d been engaged to Varyn. Engaged to the son of the man who killed your mother. It put me in a rage, actually.”

Gods, I’d never thought of it that way. My heart plummeted. I felt like I finally understood why he hated me at the start.

“But then I got to know you, saw the fierceness and the passion. Saw Keryth in you. I know now it was all staged, and I’ve wished over and over that I could take it all back and start over with you. You ask why I hold back?”

I held my breath. I didn’t know where this would lead us, but I knew that there was no going back now. The surrounding air even seemed to know we stood at the edge of a cliff where one word could send us cascading over.

“I hold back because you’ve had choice taken from you time andtime again, and I will not be another who takes from you. I pray to the gods every day that you’ll choose me, because if you do, then I’m yours. All yours. But it has to beyourchoice, not mine. It’s always been up to you. And I’d wait a lifetime for you to choose if that’s what you need.”

The world was both spinning rapidly and yet completely still around me, as if frozen in time. It felt as though my very life was hanging in the balance. I wanted him, there was no doubt about that, but still I guarded my heart because of Varyn. I couldn’t take another heartbreak—I feared it could strip away the last pieces of who I was, that I would become the shadows in my heart.

But his words had been so damn pretty.

“You never asked me if I was scared,” I said. My voice was so small and shaky.

He smiled. Gods, I loved it when he smiled. “Are you scared, Naci?”

“Fucking terrified. Not of dying, not of facing Caedryn. But terrified of letting someone behind the walls that guard my heart, giving them the power to break it and leave me dead inside. I’ve been lied to and betrayed in the worst way, and I can’t go through it again.”

Drayce stood and walked toward me, my pulse quickening with each step. “You don’t have to let me in. You don’t have to give me anything you’re not ready for. I’m a patient male when it comes to you. Only you.”

My mouth went completely dry as he stopped in front of me.

“Say the word. You can have me for tonight, and I’ll take you to that room and worship every piece and part of you. Or I can sleep here and happily keep waiting for you.”

I could feel the warmth radiating off him from where he stood over me. “Just…tonight?”

“If that’s all you want, then it’s what I’ll give.”

I stood, our bodies nearly touching, and looked into those honey eyes.

I smiled. “Tonight, then.”

Chapter 38