Page 127 of Death of a Mortal

I would never admit that to him, though, the pompous ass. I wished he had told me the truth. It felt like lies and secrets were stacking up, and it made me uneasy. At minimum, I didn’t think I could trust him.

“Aerie, I don’t know how to control this. I was so angry, I wanted to hurt someone. I…I wanted to kill Drayce.”

She tried to conceal the shock, but I saw just enough to know she hadn’t expected that.

“Well, we’re gonna teach you how.” She said it so lightheartedly and with so much conviction. “But you can’t do magic on an empty stomach; that’s my number one rule. Let’s grab some breakfast. I’ve been dying for anything but ship food.”

“Sure, I’ll be right there, Aerie.”

She smiled at me and left the barracks.

“You’re gonna be just fine,”Noxie said, his gold flecked eyes trained on me. Admittedly, it felt weird to look at him and converse with him in my mind while neither of us spoke aloud. We hadn’t really spoken face-to-face like this before. All my time in the castle he’d been on the outside.

“I’m scared of this…thing in my heart. It feels alive, like it’s made of rage and hate and pain, and it just wants to hurt people. And I can’t control it. I feel like it controls me when I get upset.”

“You’ll learn to control it. I know you will. I’ll be in your head to bring you back if you ever get too far gone.”

“I really missed you, Noxie.”

“You too, Naci…” He sounded so sad. “I’m so damn sorry I couldn’t get to you, to Nella, in time.”

“It’s not your fault. There was no stopping Caedryn.”

“I went nearly crazy trying to get through to you. And when I heard about the trial and saw you in that courtyard…I thought this old ticker would give out completely.”

“Old? You’re an old man, Noxie?”

He cawed, so I laughed.

“How am I gonna face everyone today after last night?”

“With your chin up and your tongue sharp as a blade. You’ve never taken any shit from anyone. Why would you start now?”

I kissed him on the top of the head, which made him ruffle his feathers once more. He stuck around to follow me out once I was dressed in the plain clothing someone had folded and left on my bed.

I would never lower my head in shame, ever again.

Aerie was waiting just outside the door and stood up to walk beside me. “You look good as one of us, soldier.” She grinned.

I was wearing the same thing she was—a rebel uniform, it seemed. It was nothing special, just plain tan pants, loose around the thighs and knees for movement, but tight around the lower leg to tuck into thick, lace-up, brown leather boots. The top was short-sleeved and fitted, the same tan as the pants, and showed off my ribs and the extreme undernourishment I’d endured over the last few months. It covered the tattoo of my bond with Noxie completely.

It was so much warmer here than Ashenholt, borderline hot, actually.

“The rebellion really hates color, huh?” I asked Aerie.

She cawed a laugh and then lead us to the main building, Noxie on my shoulder, pointing out various key places as we went—perches for the avian vey (she was one of a few), captain’s quarters (for her, Drayce, Bramick, Kellan, and a few others I didn’t yet know), watch towers, soldier’s barracks, the ravens’ house for the messenger birds, and so many other things that had never even crossed my mind to need.

Noxie took off with a squeeze of my shoulder and I watched him go, the golden tips of his wings catching the sun.

The last building we passed before entering the main building was the schoolhouse. So there were children here.

“The school is for both young mortals and fae together, learning the same things, but as they get older, the mortals learn skills and the fae learn magic and ability control, once their abilities emerge,” she finished explaining as we walked into the mess hall on the first floor of the main building. This building also housed council and war rooms, meeting halls, and offices.

I kept my head held high as the room went nearly silent at our arrival. There were hundreds of people packed into the large hall, and every single eye seemed to train on me like a wave, starting closest to us and spreading as more people pointed and nudged their neighbors.

I couldn’t believe howmanythere were, fae and mortals all intermingled. Their stares made me feel like a freak on display, but I did not let my steps falter even when my heartbeat did.

Even when my new eyesight left me feeling overwhelmed, small pockets of glowing color sporadically glowing all around. It was bizarre and disorienting, and now that it was light, the black and white of the left meeting the color of the right made me unsteady. It made everything darker. I hadn’t told anyone about it yet, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.