Page 316 of Tell Me I'm Enough

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Mason

SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE

To think I missed out on so many good times in college, being wasted every day. It’s crazy what I let a bottle deprive me of.

Truly, the feeling of being sober and happy…can’t be touched by any reckless night of partying. I’ve got the pep back in my step, I’ve got the world in front of me…and I’ve got the girl of my dreams beside me for all of it.

The girl I’m currently on my way to, giddier than a fat cop with a free donut.

It’s my senior year. My last lap.

Not really. I actually will be here for a while longer, fixing all the credits I needed for my major that I switched to midway through my sophomore year. Anyway, I’m still here, still trying, still learning how to be the person I’ve always wanted to be without the crutches of alcohol, or pointless attention, or always seeking some validation.

I adjust the strap of the speaker on my shoulder and glance down at the time on my phone.

7:46 PM.

I stop in the middle of the Gamma lawn and stare up at the massive house.

A hand claps on my shoulder, and I look over to see Tank’s smug grin. “You got this, man.”

I shrug him off, even though I’m secretly grateful for the distractions my nerves need right now. “Shut up and help me.”

I look back up to the room I know Simone is in and smile, picturing her face when she sees me.

If there’s one thing I am for that girl, it’s stupid.

I stand there for a second, just…taking in the moment, the peace I finally feel. It’s stupid and dramatic. It’ssonot me. But it’s also the truest version of me I’ve ever been.

I found a girl who not only loves me in all my stages, but who makes me want to be better, who makes me finally believe I’m worth loving, and that I deserve to love myself as much as she loves me.

Simone is the girl who slipped into my life like a song you don’t intend to remember, but now you know every word to. The girl who saw the darkest sides of me and never gave up. The girl who is living in the Gamma house next door to me this year, like a scene from a rom-com that I’m obsessed with.

I set the stereo down on the grass, careful not to press play until I’m fully ready to embarrass myself.

I had to search around all of the local pawn shops just to find this old thing, and I had to jump through even more hoops to get the song I wanted onto a cassette.

I stand back and then hit play. The first notes ring out on the lawn—Sally, When the Wine Runs Outplays at full volume as I stand there awkwardly, waiting for her face to appear in that window.

As if on cue, when“Sally”belches out, Simone’s face pops into view. Her eyes lock on mine, and her smile grows so big that my heart could literally explode at the sight.

This isoursong. We didn’t choose for it to be. It just is. It reminds me of us in the messiest and most simplest way.

I’m stuck there, cheesing like a dumb little kid when I see her hand fly to her mouth, realizing what song it is.

Two more heads pop up behind her, and I see Lydia and Lani come into view, craning their necks to see what’s going on. Lydia’s expression is frantic and excited, and Lani is shouting at Simone while laughing. I can’t hear her words, but I can read her mouth perfectly as she points out the window. “GO DOWN THERE!” And it makes me laugh at how crazy her friends are, but it also makes me smile because I’m so happy that she has friends who love her as much as they do.

Simone shakes her head like she’s arguing with them, and then Lydia points at me through the window. Lani grabs Simone’s arm, making her laugh—her shoulders shake, her head tips back, and even from here, it hits me in the chest how perfect this moment is.

She turns from them, opening up the window, and then leans out with the biggest smile on her face. “What are you doing!?”

“Come down here!” I shout up at her, grinning.

She just laughs and shakes her head, turning around and pushing by Lydia and Lani to run downstairs.

A bunch of the girls from the house start appearing at other windows, everyone trying to see what’s happening, making the whole house light up.