Page 301 of Tell Me I'm Enough

His face falls just slightly, then he clears his throat and forces a small smile as he places his hand on my head, stroking the top of my hair.

“I am proud of you, Simone,” he says. “So proud. You have no idea.”

I laugh through the tears. “Yeah?”

I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard those words from him. They make me feel both uncomfortable and happy at the same time.

“Yes,” he says firmly. “You’re smart, Simone. You’re kind. You’re beautiful. You’re…you’re becoming this incredible woman. I watch you, and I feel like—” His voice breaks, and he clears his throat again, trying to recover, like he’s embarrassed for being human in this moment. “I feel lucky.”

My tears come harder.

He shakes his head and then lets out a little self-deprecating laugh. “It’s all thanks to your mom, though. I can’t take any of the credit.”

I laugh and cry at the same time. Because, of course, he has to ruin the moment with joking. But the joke doesn’t actually ruin it. It saves it. It makes it real.

I stand up and step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist like I’m a little girl again. For a second, his arms don’t move. Then they wrap around me tight. Tight enough to make my heart ache in a way that feels full and not hurt anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair.

I shake my head. “Just…keep doing…this,” I whisper back.

“I will,” he says. “I promise.”

I pull back, wiping my face, and he touches my cheek, continuing to tell me that he loves me without words.

Then he clears his throat, his voice rough with all the emotions. “Come eat.”

I just nod, and he starts to go inside, then pauses at the door to look back.

“Don’t let any little boy treat you the way I did.”

Shit.

I don’t know how one sentence can hit me so hard. But it does.

I just nod again, unable to respond. He grabs me and kisses the top of my head before going inside.

I stay out on the porch for a second longer, fighting back all the emotions before I go in. It feels like something inside me just…released. It feels like a big moment, yet it was so small andso simple; it makes me a little angry that it took this long for it to happen.

* * *

As soon as dinner is over, and I’m standing at the sink, rinsing off dishes, I hear the front door open. I turn to see Lydia walking in with her arms full of candy and snacks like she’s trying to fill up a bunker and prepare for war with just sugar.

I rush over, laughing, trying to help her.

“I come bearing gifts,” she announces, kicking the door closed with her foot.

My mom calls from the kitchen, “Hi, Lydia! There’s lemonade in the fridge!”

“Mrs. Edwards, you are the love of my life,” Lydia yells back.

When she turns and sees me, she freezes, assessing my mood that has to be so apparent.

“Hey,” she says quietly, walking closer.

“Hey,” I say back. It comes out all small by accident.

She doesn’t take her eyes off me as she places the snacks on the coffee table before sitting down next to me. It’s like she can always see every emotion I’m trying to hide.