Page 261 of Tell Me I'm Enough

“Fuck, Simone,” I grit out. “I don’t wanna talk right now.”

The emotions are too heavy, sitting on my chest, pressing against my rib cage. It feels hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to even swallow. I feel like I can’t focus. My chest feels too tight.

I slide down against my car, tucking my head into my knees, covering my face with my arms. I try to just breathe, try not to let these feelings take over. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest. I feel…I feel like I’m dying.

Simone bends down and reaches to lift my face up, making me look at her.

“Hey, it’s okay. Look at me,” she says, coaxing me to calm down. “Focus on slowing your breathing down.”

I try to focus on her, try to slow my breaths, but nothing is helping. My head feels tight, the back of my eyes hurt, my skin is crawling, and I can’t shake the intense feeling that something’s wrong.Verywrong.

Simone leans back, sitting down on the pavement with me, and then rummages through her purse. I just watch her as she pulls out an instant ice pack, breaking it with her hands and then placing it on the back of my neck. The cold shocks my system, making all the sensations lessen a notch.

“Look at me,” she says gently.

I do.

I look up into her eyes, and there’s no judgment there, no annoyance, nothing but genuine care.

Once I’m calm enough and don’t feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, I take her hand in mine and kiss the back of it. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “It’s okay, Mason.”

“I didn’t mean to throw my irritation in your direction.”

“I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”

I look up at her, so confused by how she’s always the perfect anchor.

“How did you know that would work?” I ask, nodding my head in the direction of the ice pack.

She grins shyly. “I always keep them in my purse. I just um…I learned they really helped when Lydia would have panic attacks.”

I shake my head in disbelief at this girl. “You really are an angel sent from above, huh?”

She blushes and lets out a little laugh. “No, just a friend who cares about the people she loves.”

I give her a teasing look, feeling a little more like myself now. “You love me?”

She tilts her head and gives me a knowing look as she smiles that beautiful smile of hers. “I didn’t say that.”

“A lot of things don’t need to be said to be true,” I tell her.

I don’t even think about us being in a public place where anyone can see when I take her face in my hands and kiss her. She melts into it, and I can feel her smiling against my lips.

Then she stiffens, pulling back. Her eyes change when she looks at me this time.

“Have you…been drinking?” she asks quietly.

The shame hits first.

Fuck.

The one thing I was so worried aboutnotletting happen…I let it happen.

How could you be so stupid?

“Why?” she whispers, pulling me back from my thoughts.