Page 233 of Tell Me I'm Enough

My mouth gapes open. “Youdidn’t?”

His grin gets bigger, like he’s proud of himself. “I did.”

I hit him lightly on the arm. “Good for you. Wait, did you get in trouble?”

It looks like he thinks about it for a moment before answering. “Nope.”

Silence takes over as his face gets serious again. His voice is softer now. “I’ve been trying. I’m trying to—” He exhales. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to be…just…better, I guess.”

I stare at him, and my chest squeezes so hard it almost makes me angry. Because I want him to be okay. I want him to be better. And I hate that I want it. Hate that I want to be beside him through it. It makes me feel stupid and soft and like Tyler didn’t break me as much as I thought he did. Becauseapparently, I’m still the kind of girl who wants to lay herself down to keep other people warm.

We pull up in front of my dorm, and he puts the car in park. Neither of us moves at first.

Then he finally turns to look at me. “I missed you.”

That’s all it takes; that’s all he has to say to wiggle his way back into my heart.

“I missed you, too.”

I see his shoulders drop a little in relief, and his expression looks like he’s trying not to get emotional hearing that I don’t hate him like he probably thought.

I reach over and rest my hand on his arm. He stills at the contact and then looks up into my eyes.

“All I’ve thought about for the last seventy-eight days,” he says quietly, “was how much I missed having you in my arms and kissing you.”

My stomach flips again, and this time it’s from butterflies. Geez, I hate how quickly my body betrays me sometimes.

I swallow, saying screw my own rules. “Then what are you waiting for?”

His mouth quirks up. It’s not fully a smirk, but the ghost of one. It’s sexy and undoes me embarrassingly fast. He doesn’t overthink it. He just reaches over, cups my face, and kisses me. It’s everything I’ve missed and more. And it’s the first time I’m kissing sober him…

I let that sink in, and my heart feels more full than I ever thought it could. It also feels scared. This kiss feels like he’s letting me taste the truth with every swipe of his tongue and every movement of his lips. My hands slide into his hair, and I feel the tremble in my own fingers like my body is finally getting the fix my brain has been denying it.

When he pulls back, he rests his forehead against mine for a second. “You get to call the shots here,” he whispers. “I just…I want to be around you. Only you.”

That’s all I want too. But I know it isn’t smart. Not yet. Not when I’m still healing from a heartbreak, and not when he’s still healing from—

Hell, from a lifetime of pain.

I pull back just enough to look at him. “Mason…”

His eyes search mine like he’s bracing for the rejection.

“I don’t think either of us is ready to actually…date,” I say, and it hurts because I can see the way it hurts him. “Not because I don’t care, or because I don’t want you in my life.” His jaw clenches, but he nods, accepting that. I keep going because if I stop, I’ll cave and screw this up for the both of us. “Tyler messed with my head more than I like to admit. I’m still trying to…trust my own judgment again.”

Mason’s throat bobs as he swallows down the disappointment. Then he forces his voice to be steady…for me. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He nods again. “Yeah. I get it.”

“But…I don’t want you gone,” I tell him softly, keeping my eyes on his. “And I don’t want anyone else.” I see hope flicker behind his eyes for a moment. “I don’t want us to be strangers,” I whisper. “I just…need time. I need you to keep doing what you’re doing. For you. Not for me.”

He watches me, weighing that. “I can do that.”

“Promise?”

“I promise I’ll try.”