Page 207 of Tell Me I'm Enough

Maybe I’m some kind of sick, weirdo chasing pain because it makes me feel useful. Necessary. Worth something.

I’d lay myself down for every person I love if it meant they could breathe easier.

Why?

What’s wrong with me?

The professor clears her throat, pulling my attention back. “Alright. We’ll break into pairs for the activity I have prepared for you all.”

Chairs start moving as everyone finds a partner and waits for further instructions.

Lydia turns in her chair to face me. “I’m so happy we have classes together this year. It feels like things are slowly startingto feel…normal again.” She pauses, reflecting on that. “I can’t remember the last time things felt anywhere near normal.”

I give her a genuine smile. “I’m glad. I just wanna see you thriving, Lyd. I’m always happy to see my best friend happy. You deserve this phase of life to be more gentle to you.”

She lets out a little laugh. “Yeah, let’s hope it stays that way. My track record isn’t that great. But I’m trying…really hard to enjoy life again.”

“How are things?” I ask gently.

She lets a little grin peek through. “Things are good.”

I give her a teasing look. “And Bash? How’s that going?”

I see her starting to blush, even though she’s trying to hide it. “I don’t know what things are with him. But he’s sweet. Like really sweet, Sim. And he seems so genuine and caring. Almost to the point that it scares me, like it can’t be real, like I’m waiting around for the other shoe to drop.”

“Well, I think he’s a good guy. From what I’ve seen, at least. And Mason is always boosting him up. Says he’s a real stand-up guy.” I laugh a little to myself. “Sometimes I think he has a little bro crush on him.”

Lydia leans in to me. “Am I crazy for starting to like someone? After everything…is it even smart?”

“I don’t think I can tell you yes or no,” I tell her. “All I know is that…I think you should give him a chance, give your heart a chance to open back up to the possibility of someone being gentle with you. I know you’ve been through a lot, and it’s normal to be cautious. Just…just don’t shut yourself off to something that could be good because you’re scared of it turning bad. If he hasn’t shown any red flags, don’t create them.”

She just nods, taking that in.

“You’re so in love with him,” I whisper.

She gapes at me. “Love? No. You’re crazy. We barely know each other.”

“As much as he’s been around for already…I would say y’all know more of each other than most people do who have been together for years.”

“Well, we’re not together, and this isn’t love…yet.”

“Yet!” I squeal. “See. It’s written all over both of you.”

“You think he could love…me?” she asks. And I hate the self-doubt going through her head.

I reach out and grab her arm. “I think you’re one of the easiest people to love in this world. You have a beautiful soul, and you need to realize that.”

She gives me a shy, sheepish smile. “I’m trying to be better with the whole self-love thing.”

“Good. You need to remember what a badass you are.”

After our professor comes around, handing out project details for everyone, Lydia looks back up at me. “So…” she says, smiling.

“So what?” I ask.

She nudges me with her arm, grinning, and it makes me grin. “How’syourlove life?”

My smile disappears.