Page 204 of Tell Me I'm Enough

That hits me. It pushes reality right in front of my face. Right where I don’t want it to be.

I can’t stop myself from lashing out at her…because it’s easier than breaking down and being weak.

I aggressively pull her face closer to me and then kiss her. It’s rough and greedy and apologizing without any words before I do what I do best—self-sabotage.

“Well, there’s one for the road,” I tell her, backing up. “You don’t have to be around me.”

Her eyes widen. “Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know. But I know it’s what you want.”

“You don’t know what I want,” she says, voice shaking now. “You’re just avoiding the question.”

Because the answer is terrifying. Because all I want is her. Because relying on people for your happiness is so fucking dangerous, especially when you’re barely hanging on as it is. Giving people that kind of power is the equivalent of telling them to kick the chair from under you as you hang from a rope. She already feels like a heartache. One I’d rather get in front of than be dragged in the mud by.

“I know that I don’t want this,” I say finally.

She stares at me like I slapped her.

I turn toward the door, needing to get away from all of this, needing to stop the crash that’s already in motion.

She follows me inside, and I can feel her anger behind me.

I grab a drink from the table—

And she snatches it out of my hand.

“Mason.”

I spin on her. “Give it back.”

“No.”

“Simone—”

“Stop fucking running,” she snaps. “Be a man and tell me what the hell is going on.”

People are starting to watch.

I grab her wrist and pull her down the hall, into the bathroom, shutting the door behind us.

I rip the drink back and take a long swallow.

She grabs it again and dumps it straight into the sink.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she yells.

“What’s wrong with you?” I fire back. “You don’t get to control me.”

“I’m not trying to control you,” she says, almost crying now. “I’m tryingnot tolose you!”

I freeze at that, not knowing how to accept it.

“You wanna know what’s wrong with me?” I ask with a bitter bite in my tone.

She nods, but the look on her face is scared, bracing for whatever I’ll say.

“What’s wrong with me is that I regret how far I let this thing go, Simone. It was a very stupid thing for us to do.”