Page 181 of Tell Me I'm Enough

It shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t feel electricity every time she touches me. But I do.

She cleans the cut, brows pinched, tongue caught between her teeth in concentration as I just watch her.

She wraps it neatly, then presses the tape down with her thumb. “There,” she says softly. “Now try not to kill yourself tonight, please.”

I laugh. “No promises.”

She looks up at me, shaking her head. Then her eyes soften a bit. It feels like something shifts the moment she’s out of her caretaking mode. My breath stalls for a second, just taking her in. She’s close enough that I can smell her—clean, warm, girly, and enticing in a way that makes every part of me light up.

“Thank you,” I whisper before pulling her onto my lap.

Her arms instantly find the back of my neck, but she quickly looks around, worried anyone will see, before realizing the bedroom door is closed. When she looks back at me, the heat in her eyes makes me hungrier for her than I’ve ever been before. I’ve never felt this intensely for anyone before.

Trust me, I’ve tried. I thought I was broken when it came to women, to pleasure, to…I can’t even say or think the word…but it’s there. Simone has single-handedly proven to me that I’m not actually broken; I just needed the right one to light my fire.

Neither of us moves at first. And I don’t know who leans in first. Maybe we both do. Her lips meet mine, and the kiss feels consuming. I kiss her without holding back. My hand slides to her waist, pulling her closer, and she makes this soft sound that goes straight through my core. Her fingers curl into my shirt, making me feel like I’m drowning and being resuscitated all at the same time. It’s not like any of the other kisses I’ve stolen from her. This one saysmore…please, more.

I’m actually glad I’mnotwasted tonight. I want to remember the way this felt in the morning.

My hand moves to her throat, needing to ground myself in her, needing more pressure. Her hands roam over my stomach until they reach my shorts. It seems like she thinks about it for half a second before deciding to let herself go for what she wants.Her hand slowly moves inside my waistband, making me have to stop her. I grab her hand and have to close my eyes for a second to ease the need.

I swallow down my nerves and try to act like this is no big deal. “Are…are you sure?”

She grabs my face and lifts it to make me look at her. She searches my eyes, then nods.

“I want this,” she says. “I wantyou. Itrustyou.”

I exhale, shaking my head, knowing this girl is going to completely ruin me. She’s not even mine, and she already has all this power over me.

I haven’t been with anyone in almost three years. Not since Jackie. Not since my last heartbreak, or what I thought was a heartbreak, but was really just a shot to my pride, ego, and trust.

My mind is whirling as she snaps my attention back to her with another kiss, then breaks it again. “I know you don’t do relationships. And I’m not asking for that. I just…want you…right now.”

The words land harder than I know she intended. It hurts. It does. Because I want more. Because I alreadyfeelmore. But she doesn’t. And as much as that should be what makes me stop, that should be what makes me smart enough to see the train wreck bound to happen, I’m too selfish not to want her in this moment, however she’ll give herself to me.

“Yeah, sure,” I say, steadying my voice and my emotions. “It doesn’t have to be more than this. But just—promise me we’ll be the same after, okay? I—fuck, I can’t lose you.”

She smiles, brushing her thumb along my jaw. “You’ll never lose me.”

That’s all it takes. I kiss her again, slower this time, deeper as I guide her back toward the bed, hands way steadier than I feel having her like this.

I take my time, like I want to memorize this, like I want to make sure every touch tells her she’s mine in this moment, even if I can’t keep her once we walk out of this room.

“Let me take care of you,” I whisper against her neck. “Let me be the last touch you remember, not his.”

I feel the goosebumps forming on her skin as she nods, turning her head to give me more access. I trail my mouth along her jaw, her neck, everywhere that makes her tilt toward me without realizing she’s doing it. Every reaction tells me what she likes. Every gasp and moan she makes is a map on how to please her that I desperately want to learn. She’s responsive in a way that tells me how starved she is. She’s putty in my hand like I am in hers, and I’d do anything to keep it that way when we’re together.

I pull back just enough to look at her, make sure she sees me watching her. Not her body—her, her face, the way her lips part like she’s already begging before the words can come out.

“Look at me,” I say softly.

She does.

“There you go,” I whisper. “That’s it.”

I move my hands slowly, and with so much intention over her body. I don’t touch where she keeps urging me to right away. I trace around it. I let the heat build instead of snatching it. I want her aware of every second and every sensation she’s feeling right now. She gasps quietly, and I feel her shaking slightly under me.

Watching her respond to me makes me feel completely gone in this moment.