Page 174 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I run a hand over my face and try to sit up. “Um, yeah. No, Florida’s been great.”

There’s a pause on her end.

“Okay, now I know you’re lying.”

“How’s North Carolina?” I ask, trying to avoid the questions. “How’s Lydia?”

“She’s good. Like, actually good. I hope it stays that way.”

“That’s good. She’s lucky to have you there.”

“Yeah, it’s been a tough ride, though. I can tell how hard it was for her at first. But now…now seeing sober Lydia, it makes me feel a little more guilty for not seeing how bad it had gotten. How I let myself believe she was the same as always, but being around her now, it’s made me realize just how obviously she was drowning right in front of my face, and I didn’t even see it.”

I close my eyes. Because I know that feeling. I know what she’s describing…I’m just on the other end of it.

“You couldn’t have known everything,” I tell her softly. “But you still showed up. You still fought for her.”

It’s silent for a moment before she finally speaks again, softer this time.“Are you okay?”

I silently take another sip, holding the phone away from my face so she doesn’t hear, as if she would know what I was doing.

“Yeah.” It comes out slower than I mean it to.

I can tell she doesn’t buy it.

“Something’s off. You don’t sound like your normal self.”

I don’t feel like I even know what normal is anymore. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all. Long day at the office.”

“Hmm, well, I wish I could see you. I miss my Mason.”

That puts a smile on my face. I wish I could be hers. I wish I could be her anything.

“I wish you were here too.” I can’t help the natural flirt that’s been coming out more around her. I can’t stop myself either because it’s the one thing that makes me feel sorta alive lately. “Wish you were in these sheets with me specifically.”

There’s a silence that sits for too long, and it makes me worried that it was too much.

“I mean—”

She giggles.“Sorry, no, I was blushing too hard to speak.”

I lick my bottom lip, reining in my smirk. “You’re trouble, Edwards.”

“The best kind,”she teases.

“Don’t I know it.”

“Seriously,”she says, returning to a more caring tone.“How are things, really? I know it’s not always easy being back home for you.”

I look over, out at the large floor-to-ceiling windows in my room, out at the night sky that stretches further than anyone can see. “It’s been, you know, the usual. The boys are growing up too fast, the house is too loud when they’re here and too quiet when they’re gone, and…my dad hasn’t talked to me in days, so…that part’s kind of a plus.”

“Did something happen?”

“Something always happens, what’s new? We got into it a little at work, that’s all.”

“Over what?”

I shake off the memory.