Page 131 of Tell Me I'm Enough

These last couple of weeks have been awful. I’ve been a complete emotional wreck, and I didn’t even have my best friend to help me through it all.

I wanted to be mad at her; I really did, but I just couldn’t. I love her too much to stay angry, especially since I know the pure heart she has under the rough exterior she’s been showing lately.

Still, it would have been nice to have her shoulder to cry on when I found out everything about Tyler. I’m just glad she’s back and safe. When she was gone, I worried constantly if she was okay or not. Lani and I never stopped looking for her. I even called nearby hospitals to see if she had been admitted. I tried to find out when her classes were to wait for her, but she never showed up. I had no way to know if she was okay.

When she finally came back to the dorm that night, I was so relieved. Even when I acted angry with her, I wasn’t. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders to have her back around.I wanted to run to her and hug her, but I knew I couldn’t just ignore or brush off the things she said or did. I knew I had to stay strong.

She swears the drugs aren’t a problem, but I’m not sure what to believe. I want to trust her, but I’m scared. I don’t want to lose her the same way she’s lost so many people. I don’t want to see her go down that same path.

All I can do is trust her and be there for her. I can’t force her to talk to me or come to me if she’s in trouble, but I hope she knows I’m always here for her. She’s my family, and I’ll never turn my back on her.

At least I had Lani and Mason. They were exactly what I needed during this breakup. And now I pray this spring break trip will be what helps me get out of my own head.

I hate leaving Lydia behind when I just got her back, but I need this. I have to get away and try to forget all the shit that’s happened.

Ever since the breakup, Tyler hasn’t stopped calling and texting me, begging to get back together, apologizing, and swearing it was a mistake; that he’s such an idiot.

That last part is true at least.

But I’m done with him. I can’t let him draw me back in. I will never be the girl who allows herself to be treated that way and stay. Even if I still love him, even if it hurts so badly to walk away, even if I wish we could go back to the happy days we had, before the cheating, before college, before everything fell apart…we just can’t. We could never go back. It would never be the same, and I refuse to be the girl who lets a boy make me feel that way. I don’t deserve to be treated like a backup option while he plays the field, then comes crawling back to me because he got bored.

Just thinking about him being with someone else still makes me sick. We lost our virginity together for fuck sakes. He’s theonly person I’ve ever been with, and I was his first, too. To know I wasn’t enough for him and to think about him sharing that part of himself with someone else feels like a knife to my heart.

But Mason was right; I get to set my own standards for how others treat me, and I have to protect my heart now. I need to choose myself. I won’t let Tyler think he can wiggle his way back into my life or my heart.

I’m going to start choosing me right now…by getting on this private jet, going to Florida for a week, and having the time of my life as a newly single woman.

I stop for a moment when we reach the tarmac, stunned. “Mason, this isinsane.” My jaw drops as I walk up to the plane with him and the other guys. I look at him. “Taking over whatever kind of business your dad owns—”

“Investment,” he replies flatly.

I raise my hands. “Investment, sorry. Going into that doesn’t sound too bad.”

He laughs. “Money can’t buy happiness, remember?”

I wave him off. “Yeah, yeah, I get that, but this is…nice.”

“This is a pawn, Simone. Everything is a pawn in his world.”

“A pretty nice pawn if you ask me.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Get on the damn plane before I leave you here and make you fly commercial.”

I gasp. “I willneverfly commercial so long as I’m best friends with Mason Sinclair.”

He gives me a look and smiles.

“Don’t tell Lydia I said that,” I warn, “Iwilldeny it.”

* * *

The next morning, I wake up to the smell of coffee, sugary pastries…and of course, loud ass music.

I groan, rolling over and shoving a pillow over my head.

“No,” I mumble. “Hard no.”

The music gets louder.