Page 116 of Tell Me I'm Enough

We’re halfway through the pint of ice cream when I start telling him about what happened with Lydia.

Mason comes to a red light and looks over at me, confused. “Tyler cheated on you?”

“No! At least…I don’t think so.”

“Then why would she say that?”

I weigh what I want to say, but say screw it and just tell him.

It’s Mason…he doesn’t judge me.

“Tyler called before the party, saying he ‘wanted to talk.’ Which is the universal code for ‘I wanna break up with you.’”

Mason turns his attention back to the road when the light turns green. “If he does, he’s the biggest idiot on the planet.”

I shake my head and take another bite of ice cream before holding it out for Mason. “I mean, what else could it be? You’re a guy. Tell me what I’m missing here.”

“You’re not missing anything…except your worth if you think you ever need to beg any man to stay with you.”

“I wouldneverbeg.”

“Good,” he says simply.

We drive until Mason can barely keep his eyes open, and then end up back at the Sig house.

Chase is still gone, and we’re sitting on the floor of his room, knees to knees, talking about Lydia. About how I always feel this need to protect her, even when it hurts me, how I know she doesn’t mean the things she says when she’s in a place like this, but it doesn’t make it hurtmeany less, how I just wish I could take this pain from her, that I’m afraid will one day takeherfrom me.

Mason knows all the right things to say, and all the ways to make me believe she’s not too far gone yet. He gives me a little hope that I’m not actually losing everyone I care about all at once, and it’s nice to have someone like him in my corner, talking me down from all the spiraling thoughts.

Talking about everything still makes all the emotions I’ve been holding back hit me at once like a damn train. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion, or everything piling on top of each other…or how safe I always feel talking to Mason, but I can’t seem to stop, or even care to stop the tears when they come.

“What is it about me…“ I ask, “that’s so hard to love?”

Mason looks up at me and notices the tears. He reaches out, placing his hand on top of my knee, trying to comfort me.

“Sim,” he says quietly, shaking his head, “no…no, that’s not what this is. Whatever is happening between you and Tyler…that’s not on you. That’s not your fault.”

“Then why has no man ever been able to show me the love I so easily am able to give out to everyone else? Not even my own father, who raised me and was around. Why was I never good enough to have his attention? Why am I not good enough for Tyler’s attention now? Why do I keep craving this attention from them when they obviously don’twantor care to give it to me?

He moves his hands from my knees to my cheeks, making me look up at him. “Look at me.”

I do.

We just stare at each other for a moment, and it’s like he’s trying to tell me so much with just his eyes, things his words alone can’t convey.

“I don’t have a lot of friends,” he starts softly, “very few genuine ones who I could call on if I really needed, very few I could tell anything to, very few I trust to hold my darker parts. But you…you are probably one of theonlyfriends I have that I feel safe enough around to let in. You hold a light to everyone’s darkness around you…just by being you. You’re pretty fucking special, and anyone who can’t see that and can’t appreciate having you around…doesn’t deserve to have your light in the first place.”

The tears come on full force because his words feel like the reassurance I’ve never gotten before.

He pulls me into a hug as we’re sitting on the floor, and I just let him hold me as I let out all the frustration of never feeling like I’m enough, even though everything I do is to prove to everyone else that I’m worth something, prove tomyselfthat I’m worth something.

“Stay over,” he whispers.

I look up at him, shocked. “Stay…over? Here?”

“No funny business,” he says quickly. “I can even sleep in another room. But I wanna do something with you tomorrow, and it’s really late anyway; you might as well. It’s not safe for you to walk. And it’s probably not safe for me to drive you either. I’m about to pass out.”

“Do what tomorrow?”