Page 114 of Tell Me I'm Enough

“It’ll take you over an hour to get back on foot—”

“Don’t care,” she spits, walking off and not even turning back.

I can’t move. I can’t even breathe. Everything hurts.

I’m confused.

I’m mad.

I’m fucking sad.

I hate all of this so much.

30

Simone

“How far could a girl on drugs even go?” Lani huffs.

I shake my head and let out a sigh. “I don’t know, but we need to find her.”

I don’t know how long we’ve been searching for her, but it feels like all night. My feet are killing me.

We’ve searched every street, called her phone a million times, even called everyone we thought she could be with…and nothing.

I don’t know what else to do, and I hate feeling this helpless. But she has to come back at some point, right?

I just need to know she’s safe.

Eventually, Lani convinces me to go back to the house and get a ride back to campus with her. I give in because I don’t have the energy to fight anymore.

I’m tired…physically, mentally, and emotionally.

We end up finding someone sober to take us home, and I just stare out the window the whole way back, replaying every moment I missed, every sign I ignored, every time I chose to believe she was fine simply because Ineededher to be.

“I should’ve known,” I whisper.

Lani grips my hand. “No. Don’t do that.”

“You noticed before me because I was so wrapped up in myself and chose to believe she was actually doing better…because it was the lie that made me feel better.”

“I noticed,“ she says gently, “because I know what it looks like, Sim.”

I look over at her. “How?”

She looks away for a moment, then slowly back to me. “Because I’ve seen enough people I love try to hide being high or fucked up. I’ll give it to her, though. She did a really good job at hiding it. You can’t blame yourself. When people go down that road, the only one who can stop them…is them.”

“I could have,” I mumble, even if it’s not true. It’s what my brain keeps telling me.

I look up at Lani again. “No more secrets between any of us, okay?”

“No more secrets.”

Back in the dorm, staring at her empty bed, I pull my phone out and text the only other person who would know what to say to make me feel better.

Simone: Well today’s been a complete shit show

Three dots appear almost instantly.