Page 196 of Make Us Yours
I fucking froze.
All I could do was stare at the body lying at my feet, the one I hit hard enough to kill. I didn’t mean to kill him. My intention was only to knock him out. But as I reached for the blender and lifted it in the air, every emotion I had ever felt from the moment I was born to now resurfaced.
Every hit my parents gave me, every broken bone, every night I cried myself to sleep in agony from the torture they inflicted on me. It all came rushing back, and when I let my hand come down with the heavy object, it was with all the strength I’d wish I had back then. I didn’t see him, I saw them, and that was it.
It took Marcos telling me to snap out of it, that my girl needed me and that she couldn’t go through this alone, to pull me out of my fogged state. And from that moment, my eyes haven’t left her. They’ve been glued to her like she’s the only thing holding me together.My center.She needs me right now, just as much as I need her.
I lift her into my arms as she cradles against my chest like a wounded animal and take her back to the waiting room, with Marcos and Ricky not far behind holding Blubber’s carrier. I know I shouldn’t make promises like the one I just did, telling her Noah would pull through, but I can’t think of the worst right now. I need to stay strong for all of us.
Because if I don’t, I’ll break down, and there won’t be anyone there to support my girl. The thought of losing my best friend, losing my brother… it guts me and makes it impossible to breathe. So no, I can’t think of that. Because we aren’t losing him. I won’t accept it…
I can’t.
When we get back to the waiting area, I find it filled with familiar faces. Friends, family, teammates—they’re all here. Silas stands, coming over to me immediately.
“We came as soon as we heard.” He looks down at Ronnie in my arms and strokes the back of her head with his hand.
“How?... Where?... Who?” I’m confused, unable to think clearly.
I’m glad they’re here, but I don’t know how they found out. I haven’t even thought about calling anyone. I don’t even know where my phone is right now.
“Jessie. He went to Burkley’s and told him what happened when he got word of what was going on,” he confirms for me.
I nod and bring Ronnie over to a chair between the girls, who all stand with tears running down their faces. When I set her down, needing a moment to collect myself, they gather around her, holding her in their arms.
I turn my back to them, taking deep breaths as all my teammates come by and hug me, showing me their support as best as they can. Clay, Greyson, and Silas stay by my side as the first tears begin to spill. I look up at the ceiling, trying to keep my composure.
Silas presses his hand to my back, rubbing up and down with his palm. “He’s going to be all right. Noah’s a tough motherfucker. Nothing will knock him down.”
“I hope you’re right, because I promised Ronnie that he would… and I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t…” I choke on the words, not wanting to think about him not pulling through.
“I’m going to kill that piece of shit when I see him,” Greyson grumbles out with rage.
“He’s dead,” I say, looking back down and making eye contact with each one.
“He is?” Clay asks curiously.
I nod. “Killed him with my blender…”
“Damn…” Grey’s eyes widen.
“It didn’t even break.”
Clay frowns. “What?”
“The blender. It didn’t break.” I have no idea why I’m saying it, why this particular detail is sticking with me. I guess trauma just works in weird ways.
“Well, shit… that’s one strong-ass blender. We should probably all get one of those," Silas says in a low voice, but apparently not low enough.
“Silas!” Cecilia rebukes him. “This isn’t the time or place.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He looks down with shame.
“It really is a good blender,” I say after a moment of silence, and we all kind of lose it, me included.
We’re all suddenly chuckling quietly; I can even hear some of the girls trying to control themselves. But not Ronnie. Ronnie just stays quiet in her seat, eyes staring down at her hands. I know this isn’t the time to laugh, but there are so many emotions coursing through my body right now that I have no control over it.
Morgan comes up to me, taking me in her arms as the tears start flowing again. “I’m going to take Blubber back to our place and get some spare clothes and shoes for Ronnie.” She pulls back and holds me by the arms. “Do you need me to get anything else?”
