Page 67 of Yours to Keep
CJ doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look away; he just holds on harder. His grasp is the only thing keeping me here.
“He made everything my fault,” I whisper. “Everything. I started believing him. The assaults, all of it.”
My body shakes so hard I can’t control it anymore. My teeth chatter. My fingers curl into CJ’s shirt, desperate for something solid.
He kisses my face: forehead, cheek, temple, like he’s trying to keep me anchored through touch alone.
“I thought I deserved it,” I choke out. The shame burns hot under my skin, thick enough to blur my vision. I can’t breathe around the words anymore; I have to escape the memory, just for a second.
“I felt free on my bike,” I say quickly, staring at the floor. “It was the only place he couldn’t reach me, couldn’t control me.” The memory feels like sunlight breaking through storm clouds. “I think it scared him, that he couldn’t touch that part of me.”
CJ pulls back just enough to press his forehead to mine. The contact steadies me, my breath syncing with his.
“Adrian took everything,” I whisper, “but he couldn’t take my bike. Or Ree and Marge.”
I look up at him. “When they saw the bruises, the bite marks… Ree had to patch me up. I couldn’t deny it anymore. They helped me escape.”
The guilt surges hard.
“They risked everything for me,” I choke out. “I should’ve…”
“No.”
The word cuts clean through me. I look up. CJ is steady, controlled, absolute.
“No,” he repeats, firmer this time. “None of this belongs to you, Baby Boy.”
My head shakes instinctively. “CJ, I stayed. I should’ve run sooner. I shouldn’t have put Ree or Marge in that position.”
“No, Eli.” His voice drops lower, heavier. “You survived. You survived something most people wouldn’t. You did what you had to do at the time.”
The words hit deep, heavy and sharp. My chest tightens around them like they’re too big to hold.
“You lived,” he says softly. “You’re a survivor. Ree and Marge wouldn’t want you carrying that guilt. They helped save you, but you saved yourself, too.”
He breathes in shakily, lifting my face carefully and holding me still in his hands.
“Eli, look at me. You chose to save yourself. Do you understand me? You got out. And that is the strongest thing you will ever do.”
Something inside me collapses completely, and I let it. My breath breaks, and I fall into him like gravity finally wins.
Years of fear. Years of silence. Years of smiling through damage.
I cry into his chest while he holds every piece of me together without asking me to be whole. Eventually, exhaustion takes over in slow waves. I end up curled against him on the couch, my head over his heartbeat, his arms locked around my waist like he refuses to let go.
I look up at him, my eyes swollen and raw.
“Are you sure?” I whisper, my voice shaking.
“About what?”
“That he’ll never find me.”
CJ’s arms tighten instantly. “Eli,” he says, steady as stone, “you’re safe.”
I want to believe it.
“If Adrian ever comes near you,” CJ’s voice changes, something colder and sharper underneath it, “he’ll have to come through me first.”
