Page 96 of Burn Her They Said
“You think you’ll be capable of using your magic at full strength without sleep?”
“We took a vow to guard you day and night. We maintain our vow.”
“Even when it would be safest for each of you to take turns getting rest?”
“Even then,” he says with a finality in his tone that would be useless to argue against.
I flop back on the pillow next to his head, with the space between us feeling infinite until his warm spice scent fills my lungs and a comforting heat rises from my chest.
“I will not break my vow to you only a few days after making it.”
I cock my head to the side and stare at him. “You’re serious.”
“I will not fail you?—”
“You would not be failing me, Varic.”
“I—”
Cirrin clears his throat, interrupting our squabble as he stares down in question. “While you were sleeping, it felt like you were blocking my magic. I couldn’t determine where in your body you needed healing, nor could I imbue you.”
Pulse thrumming, I’m uncertain what to make of this, and I don’t want to worry them with Mirinea’s warning. Not after the night we’ve had.
Cirrin looks over at Varic before returning his attention to me. “The only time I’ve experienced anything like it was when two of the strongest force sorcerers came to our school to demonstrate how they were able to actively block other forms of magic so that we knew how to recognize if someone were doing so.” He pauses, eyes flitting to Varic. “My understanding is that only force sorcerers possess this ability, and even those with immense power and practice are not able to do so while unconscious.”
“But I didn’t notice anything different other than it felt as if I were close to dying.”
“What do you mean?” Varic asks, turning to me with his eyes flying open with alarm. “How did it feel like you were dying?”
“My heart felt weak, and it was hardly able to pump, like it was failing,” I state the obvious. “And everything felt even more detached than a dream. I could hear you, but you sounded far away—muffled. Even your touch felt different. Strange, like my physical body didn’t fully experience it. More like I was imagining an impression, like recalling the sensation of a hug from memory.”
Varic’s eyes fall closed, and his breathing slows, giving rise to a new sort of anxiety because the stress of everything that has happened since that night on the balcony is far too much for any of us to carry, especially the one I know to contain more than anyone should.
Cirrin nods. “I need to try to see if I can feel it now that you’re awake.”
I offer him my hand, which he takes, then hold my breath as Varic rolls over to face me.
“Is that wise, Cirrin?” he asks, and my healer shrugs. “Perhaps we should let her rest and find another time to test this.”
“I wasn’t asking her to conjure it, just to let me check if any semblance of it can be felt.”
Varic nods his permission before turning back to me. “I have a theory, though it might not make much sense. I think, based on what you’ve described, it is possible you are so well-practiced with mentally warding that your own mind brought this on for you to conserve energy.”
Awareness slams into me, a tidal wave of every other time I’ve felt detached from my body or surroundings. Carrying me under the barrage of memories until Varic says my name repeatedly, sounding closer each time he utters the syllables, until he finally cups my jaw in his hand and I see him, eyes scanning me with concern, lifting the longer I remain present with him.
“Shit, Tasch. Did my mere mention conjure it?” He looks up to Cirrin, who shrugs.
“I didn’t feel the block this time, so if it did, it wasn’t nearly as strong.”
“No,” I explain, shaking my head, loosening Varic’s hold on my face so I might think. “Just memories.”
Varic draws a deep breath while reluctantly retracting his hand from my cheek. “Would you care for me to explain more, since I happen to be the only one here who is trained in this form of magic?”
My lungs force out a quick breath in amusement, and I refrain from shaking my head at his pointed way of asking this. “You’re meant to be resting.”
“I am resting,” he says. “Next to you. In bed, if you hadn’t noticed.”
My body floods with heat and fluttering.
