Page 84 of Burn Her They Said
“And you trust that it is truly the Emperor ordering Wyrth to perform these exams on her?” Varic’s voice lowers.
Fray sighs and turns away from the window. “If you knew their dynamic, you would understand why the Philosopher would not risk going against the Emperor.”
I pull the covers up my chest and lie back on the pillows, not caring to engage in this conversation which will get us nowhere but more conjecture. My joints ache as I thrust my hand out to prepare my Guards for their night shift.
“Who’s first?” I ask.
“No,” Varic says. “Your magic is too depleted. We can reassess in the morning.”
I sit up abruptly as the spikiness of incredulity prickles in my veins.
“How will you remain focused overnight without my help?”
Varic stares at me with a frustratingly neutral expression.
I squint back at him and shake my head. “That’s unreasonable. I have enough.”
His stare remains unchanged.
“At least allow me to use a little for each of you, so you’re not as exhausted tomorrow.”
“No.” I scoff as he looks to each of my Guards, raising his finger for emphasis. “None of you are to accept her magic until she has had enough time to rest.”
“Yes, Leader,” all four voices say in unison.
I turn and raise my brows at them, though none look at me. I give up and slam my eyes shut as my heart hammers in my chest because nothing about this feels safe. Yet, since I have no say in the matter, I lie here with the silence feeling like a lead blanket.
Frenetic energy courses across the connection I hold with Varic—though I should spare the magic—shifting from what it was when he first questioned Wyrth’s intentions.
“I’m sorry, I can’t let this go,” Varic says, and my eyes widen with the distress painting his expression. “I know you need rest, and this isn’t the time, but?—”
“Just say it, Varic.” I release a breath, which he steals by dropping to his knees at my bedside to look up at me.
“I can’t understand what it is to have lived at the Palace my whole life. I can never know what you have endured. I heard the Emperor’s threat at the end of my vow ceremony. I understand what’s at stake were he to suspect anything more has occurred between us.”
I swallow harshly, wishing I didn’t have an idea of what he’s about to ask.
“But what is causing you to pull away from me so drastically? Why are you keeping your distance when the doors are closed, or when no one is looking?”
“There’s always someone looking, and within earshot.” I cage my emotions so well, my voice comes out more monotone than I thought possible.
“There always has been, from the first moment we met,” he whispers.
“It’s not the same, Varic.” Fuck, my tone is shifting.
“Tell me,” he pleads, and my heart squeezes. “Please. Help me understand.”
I shake my head, and tears well along my lashes as his eyes fall closed and his shoulders drop.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, eyes flaring open with a renewed sense of challenge sparking behind them. “Tell me you want me to stop showing you how I feel, and I will.”
Lars scoffs, and I keep from sending him the death glare I wish to share in response.
“I won’t do anything to endanger you. I’m doing my best to hide it around him.”
Now it’s my turn to clench my eyes shut as I try to gather whatever I might be able to extoll in this moment.
“I have vowed to watch over you.” He rises from the floor to stand. “And I am. I only touch you when it is for your safety, or to aid you in a task when you require assistance.”
