Page 57 of Burn Her They Said
Yet I do not honor his attempt with any form of acknowledgment.
He moves closer, and my heart trills when he raises his hand and reaches for me. Then his expression sours, and he huffs out a breath.
“I’m—I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Varic looks up through his lashes, and I nearly combust from all the heat his gaze brings to my skin. “It was as if everything in me was screaming to make sure you didn’t leave.”
My chest constricts until I cannot take another moment of this torment. With a curt nod, I take off, walking as fast as I can on shaky limbs through the small groupings of guests. I quickly lose track of where I am, as I avoid eye contact with everyone I pass until that unsettling sensation creeps up the back of my arms, telling me to retreat.
Yet I am my own worst enemy, the one who continues to punish myself with guilt as I lift my gaze, knowing exactly what I will find as my heart drops. Because I should have known better. Because of course they would expedite repairs made to the door and balcony. Anything to hide a sign of weakness or failure.
New glass reflects my disappointment and sorrow as I stare out at the scaffolding they’ve already erected to begin repair of the balcony that is so clearly seen through the doors leading to what otherwise are the charred marble ruins of the night our lives were changed forever. My pulse thrums as I retract my gaze to trace the elegant loop created by heavy metal chains wound in and around the handles with a large gold lock hanging in the center.
Varic clears his throat, and I release a breath as he steps closer, apparently learning, since he keeps his hands to himself.
“Tasch,” he says just under his breath, then shuts his mouth once I shake my head.
“I’m so sorry,” Fray grits out, his voice thick with regret.
“I do not blame any of you,” I explain. “Now I need you all to stop doing so yourselves.”
Varic gestures to the right, and we all follow where he leads to an unoccupied annex where prison cells once trapped more souls than we could ever know.
Cirrin brings a plush chair over. He offers his hand to help ease me back into the seat before I rest my forearms over my thighs and bide my time and energy for when the Emperor inevitably requires me and my power.
Malin hands me a glass of water, to which I nod my thanks, then he steps away to survey the surroundings. Fray sets a small table beside me while directing a server to bring me a tray of refreshments. I smile faintly and lean back in the chair, attempting not to fall asleep amid the Imperial Army commanders carrying on around us.
The tray of food appears, and Lars leans down as he places it over the side table, remaining bent over as he whispers, “What exactly happened between you two in that tent all those years ago?” He rises slowly, searching my expression, and I cough in response, barely able to swallow the morsel I’ve finished chewing when he raises his hands in defeat. “Never mind,” he says, blue eyes shifting to where Varic stands by my left side.
“Look,” Lars says, clapping Varic on the shoulder. “I know you’re used to life on an encampment where you can get away with being less formal?—”
“You mean where my life, and the lives of those I was responsible for, were in a constant state of peril, while you,” Varic says, “and every other Guard get to live in this Palace, where you are afforded the privilege of focusing on such trivial things as decorum, due to the safety we provide you through sacrifices you cannot even begin to imagine.”
Lars’ face flushes so bright it nearly matches the red of his magical signature. I push up from my seat in a dizzying rush and take two steps forward until I stand between them, thankfully intervening before Lars uses his speed in reaction.
“Whoa,” I say, placing a defensive palm on Lars’ chest. “Whoa,” I repeat, though this time I turn to Varic with a wildly hammering heart. “Either you two get your emotions under control, or I will do it for you.” I alternate glaring at each of them in equal measure, ensuring they know I mean every word. Their shoulders drop and their expressions resemble disdain rather than loathing.
“Now, if you can promise to save your quarrel for when we are safely back in my bedchamber, I need to avoid the possibility of losing consciousness in front of an audience.”
Varic’s arm instinctively wraps around the small of my back, moving toward me so naturally, I don’t stand a chance at avoiding his support. He presses in gently, shuffling with my movements as I ease back into the chair.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
I nod, though I shouldn’t, with the constriction around my heart letting up as my magic senses his own relents.
He hovers by my knees, and I wave him off without looking, dismissing him in much the way the Emperor does me, bringing a different kind of heat to my cheeks. I’m incapable of hiding the effect his touch has on my body—the intensity seems to increase to the point I swear I’ll combust if his skin grazes mine one more time tonight.
Malin looks from me to the food and back, so I sigh and pluck an olive from a bowl, forcing it between my teeth with exaggerated motions, putting on a show to prove I’m eating something, even though I ate dinner not that long ago.
If anyone should be eating, it should be them. No matter how many years we exist with the rules dictating I sit and eat while they stand and watch—it will never feel right. Food is meant to be shared, yet they are made to sustain themselves in the shadows. The most venerated in their magical forms should be treated with honor, yet their role as my Guards strips them of so much.
The food itself has little effect, and sitting seems to allow the weight of all that’s happened to settle over me. If the chances of finding the Emperor in any state of undress were smaller, I might be bold enough to ask that we seek him out in the off chance he might dismiss me back to my chambers.
“We need to take her back to her chambers,” Varic says, and I straighten, looking up at him in confusion.
“She has to be released,” Malin explains.
“You mean she has to stay here until the Emperor allows her to retire for the evening?”
Malin nods, and Varic rakes his fingers through his hair before turning back to me, unfairly loosening several strands to fall over his forehead.
