Page 251 of Burn Her They Said
Everything in my being screams for me to run instead. While my legs tingle with the need to seek the night air.
Yet I do not fight Varic when he guides me inside the safe room, with my Guards forming a wall around us to ensure no one sees how he holds onto my arm.
Varic turns once the latch catches and lifts his hands to cup my face with them.
I glance back at the door with my chest heaving, in need of air, while he cradles me so lovingly; it breaks my heart.
“You can’t.” I stare over at the solid door, ensuring the Emperor hasn’t barged past. “What if he sees?”
“Tasch.” I shiver with the way his tongue forms my name. “Look at me.”
I shake my head. “No, we have to go back.” My voice is broken as they all hover near.
A shiver runs through me when Varic’s thumb draws careful arcs over each of my cheeks, yet I cannot calm down. I cannot think of anything aside from what the Emperor has commanded us to do. Not with the drums playing the beginning notes of the ceremonial song.
“Please.” He lowers his tone so his words are only for me. “Mei waella.”
His eyes flash with something as he traces his knuckles along the curve of my neck, then passes by my collarbone to rotate his wrist until his open palm splays over the center of my chest, where he guards my heart, which quirks from his use of this ancient term for me.
“I can’t.” I blink. “I did this.”
“What did you do, mei caerd?” His voice is low and soft.
“I did this to her.”
“Who?”
“May.” Cirrin’s voice is resolute as he steps closer.
The weight and warmth of Varic’s hand rises and falls with every shuddered breath I take in.
“Look at me, Tasch. Show me your eyes.” His words stir something, as he wills the fog to lift before a reckless wind of hopelessness descends, snuffing out the flame of hope he had stoked, casting everything in the deepest, bleakest darkness. “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t use your magic, Tasch.”
“That’s not what she means.” Cirrin’s hand curves over Varic’s shoulder as I fight for air to fill my lungs in small bursts. “But she needs to feel calm before we can talk any sense into her.”
Varic nods to him before returning to me. “I’m right here, mei meida.”
His words yank the tether connecting us, and I seek comfort in his impossibly bright irises. The luminance that is him beams back above the black line of his mask, where it curves over the bridge of his nose and up the peak of his cheekbones, intensifying the admiration and concern held in his gaze—the only kind of overwhelm I welcome.
My lungs expand, and I press my chest against his hand. The subtle weight of his touch seems to be helping—but it’s not enough.
“I need air.”
His eyes fall closed, leaving me to feel alone.
“Look up.” He opens his eyes to gaze back at me so lovingly, it draws tears forth to fill my own. “Look at all the air above us. There’s more than enough up there, mei waella.”
My heart squeezes as his need to help me supersedes his own grief. Using the words Jase would utter in support of him whenever it felt like the walls were closing in.
His fingers flex over my chest. “I know it feels like you can’t do this. I know it feels like you cannot pull in breath. But you are capable of amazing things, Tasch. Every day you astound me with the hard shit you put up with. You can do this. I promise. Now we are going to pull in this next breath together, okay?”
I nod, and he exaggerates an intake of breath, indicating how I should mirror him—but I can’t. Not with my chest heaving. Nor my lungs stinging with the venom of a dozen tiny hornets.
“It’s okay. I understand.” He releases a breath while looking at me through his lashes. “You can do this. Let’s try again—together.”
I shake my head, and his mask billows with a laugh. “You’re going to come back to me, mei meida. I can feel it.”
My lungs expand too quickly—too deeply—and I want to tell him I am here with him. That I am only here because he is. That if it weren’t for him…
