Page 209 of Burn Her They Said
My heart plummets to my stomach. This is such a cruel trick of the mind. Taunting me as we turn the corner. Making me swear it’s him every time I see a shadow, or even the hint of one. Swearing beyond anything that it is none other than him walking in our direction, until I turn and find I am wrong. Every time.
Because he isn’t coming.
It’s only the Emperor and his Guards, who take turns glancing back and tittering.
My own Guards remain quiet as we amble down this corridor without a single Annovian servant or guard—making us easy targets were those who set the explosion to happen upon us.
Why is His Majesty taking this risk? Especially without my force Guard here to shield me? Why must we leave in the darkness of night, rather than try to remain safe within the walls of the castle until sunrise?
My heart constricts as I see a dark form to the left—where Varic is meant to be standing—yet when I turn to find him, the ache of dread fills my stomach. It was just another shadow, cast behind a large silver urn in the corner. I crane my neck to peer around the thick white molding and shake my head, needing my mind to rid me of these torturous projections.
I need him to hurry up and find us. To simply exist within any of the shadows I swear could be him. Walking down the hall to greet me. To take my hand and spirit me away from this.
My power feels thin when I send it out and try to find him. Casting through walls to return with the fear trembling in every being until my own body shakes from the effort, I retract my power with a silent curse.
His Majesty strides confidently ahead as the question I need to ask him sticks to the walls of my throat, needing to learn why he has not sent anyone in search of Varic and what he intends to do should my Lead Guard not find us before His Majesty means to leave. Though I cannot imagine the tyrant approving of me traveling without the strongest force sorcerer on the Continent. Especially now that the risk of attack seems far more imminent than what we would experience spending the night in a fortified castle.
Yet I cannot say the words. Instead, I shift my gaze to study every column, vase, and shadow—cursed to perceive Varic’s form anywhere I look in this grossly over-decorated castle.
Another piece of my heart calves off, losing more of what Varic has helped me to restore the longer we move through the castle with no sign of the sorcerer missing from my detail.
Lars and Malin walk with atypical rigidity, while Cirrin and Fray drift as if in a daze—until we all come to a halt when His Majesty and each of his Guards pass casually over the threshold, only to reanimate when the gravel crushes under their weight as they near the Emperor’s carriage on the circular driveway.
My vision flashes with an array of colors, rather than the white haze which usually crowds in from the corners, building from the sense of unease spearing through in the absence of Annovian guards who once stood on either side of the entrance.
My eyes dart in every direction, seeking signs that Varic might be waiting for us. Instead, the humid air sticks to my skin. A sensation which conjures the way it felt to guard Varic’s heart, standing in this same atmosphere, face to face with the one I seek now, when we stood on the other side of this castle. I gather up every thread of blue, green, and pink from the memory—though their effect is laughable compared to the need inside of me. A void nothing but the sorcerer himself can come close to filling.
Clouds roll over the moon, darkening the atmosphere now only lit by the flames atop every tall white torch rising from the ground around the circular driveway. My Guards all turn and consider me the closer we come to our carriage, and not even the sting of my nails piercing through my skin can save me from the grips of terror I’m engulfed within.
“He will find us.” Lars’ bright blue eyes capture mine, and I nod, wishing I could believe him, yet the longer it’s taking, the harder it is.
I startle when a carriage door slams behind me, then pull in a breath when Lars splays his broad fingers over the small of my back. His eyes dart between the giant black geldings, and I do my best to send him a sense of safety, hoping to help him feel more comfortable as we move near the horses hitched to the front of our carriage.
Drusilla’s gray eyes pin mine from where she stands outside the cabin, where we will once again spend the next week trapped too close together. The space I cannot make myself climb into. Not without Varic.
She bows with a solemn expression I might call compassion, were it worn by anyone but her. And even with Lars’ encouragement, I cannot step forward. Instead, I crane my neck to glance back at the castle before snapping forward to stare inside the mobile prison. My head and neck repeat the motion, over and over, as Imperial servants and Guards climb within their respective carriages, having completed their task of stowing our luggage, quieting the air around us as the murmur of our traveling party dissipates with the closing of every door.
Disappointment drags me into the abyss every time I find the entrance to the castle empty. Utterly devoid of the one I need. Tempting me to run inside and look for him.
My muscles freeze when the scent of the Emperor’s wine and sulphur breath turns my stomach as he steps closer to whisper, “Is your Lead Guard truly this terrible at locating me?”
I stare into his piercing gray eyes and give him a piece of my mind. “Perhaps he has no reason to suspect we would be preparing for the journey back to the Palace at such an hour. Especially not after the calculated attack may have been meant for either of us, Your Majesty.”
“Next thing you’ll say is the castle is large, and anyone might take a long time to find us.” His words hang before the gargantuan castle looming over us, though evidence such as this never matters to the tyrant. “Time to board your carriage, my little witch.”
He turns to Raki, whose talons click over His Majesty’s shoulder to receive his whispered missive, before the hybrid extends its matte black wings and flies off toward the entrance.
My chest constricts worse than before as I step forward and stare at the shimmering gravel, reflecting the bright light of the moon as the clouds clear above us. I pull in a breath when an effervescent sensation penetrates my skin, tingling everywhere the air kisses me, as if some sort of spell is seeping within my being. Convincing me, however impossible, that I can do this. That I can overpower him.
I gather my magic and furrow my brow as it thrums steadier than it has all evening. My chest tightens as I capture the tendrils of blue, green, and the most vibrant shade of orange, until the recognition of just how many sorcerers and witches would come to His Majesty’s aid feels more like walls caving in than freedom.
My ability to control them wouldn’t be a question were this to have happened years ago, especially with the help of my Guards. But a war with my fellow servants is no feat to take on before the castle of another kingdom. Not when we are awaiting news of Varic’s well-being or without any sort of plan as to how to survive this. Or perhaps, a reason as to how and why my magic feels more powerful now than it has in recent memory.
I cannot trust that my power would hold, no matter how strong the thrum beneath my skin might seem. Not now that I am reduced to nothing more than a broken witch, trapped within the loop of mitigating the moods of the Empire’s most rageful sorcerer. No longer capable of defending the one who would do anything to save me. A witch so deluded into believing I had been serving our citizens when they may have been better off without my meddling. For without my influence, he would have surely caused his own downfall. Enacting the Dragons’ reign—which we all agree is worse. I do not know how I could have done any better than I have.
All I know is I am no longer what I once was and need to remember this.
Raki’s dark form flits within the light emanating from the castle entrance, and my heart slams against my ribs, not wanting that thing to be what finds Varic.
