Page 180 of Burn Her They Said
His shocked expression conjures a laugh to form, though I swallow it down before it is heard.
“I find it hard to believe that you and your friends didn’t cause any trouble in your youth.”
“There was little time to develop friendships, due to my status as an Anomaly being determined shortly after I began my first year of schooling. And since I was the only witch with this distinction, the Emperor required that I train with a mentor and live in the Imperial Palace. From that moment, I had the duty to serve my Empire without time to spare for such things as friendship or frivolity.”
“What about your maid?”
Fury descends like a torrential downpour drenching me after a drought, as every emotion connected to Drusilla’s most egregious betrayal infiltrates my veins to the point my hands shake so hard I tighten my fists to keep from slapping the leather reins against the pommel.
“My assigned attendant, Drusilla.” A familiar coolness enters my tone, indicating she is near. “A witch who takes her role seriously, and who would never entertain any sort of kinship, especially not with me.”
“I would think the witch closest to you would soon become your confidant.” Prince Auden’s gaze flicks over to Varic. “Since otherwise you are surrounded by sorcerers.”
“If you truly wish to know why we are not close, I will tell you.” He tips his chin in assent. “There was a time I had hoped my relationship with Drusilla could become friendly. I was young and naïve and gossiping with one of my original Guards.” The Prince raises his eyebrows in confusion, so I explain, “One who was assigned prior to me turning eighteen, when the Guardian’s vow could be made, as it eventually was by those protecting me now.” I pull in a breath and allow my eyes to wander, needing something to keep my mind from drifting too far as I trace over the shapes in the garden. “As I was saying, Drusilla was preparing me for bed when I recounted what I had overheard some Imperial servants in the laundry service whisper about a rebel group forming along our southernmost border.”
Prince Auden nods in encouragement, his hazel eyes conveying their rapt attention.
“The next day, Emperor Aldritch ordered their execution.” I withhold the whole truth, as learning it was me who dealt their death blow would surely erode his sympathy for me.
Something warm, pained, and inherently Varic draws me back toward him. My vision clears until his pinched expression stares back at me with concern and sympathy.
But I don’t need his pity. If anything, I need him to ignore me.
Prince Auden’s eyes are unfocused, yet somehow aware. “He made you witness their execution when you were only a teenager.”
I nod and pull in a breath as the Prince shakes his head. “I am so sorry.”
A sharp sensation permeates my sternum at his casual expression of compassion.
“I appreciate your sincerity. However, I am not the one in need of sympathy when the witches who did nothing to warrant their own deaths have yet to be mourned properly.”
“My apology is for pressuring you to speak of such things, as I am apparently unaware of the level of cruelty you have endured, and I would not have asked you to do so had I known.” The Prince’s eyes pin mine.
Since I cannot think of what to say, I try to relate. “I do not blame you. I did not recognize the power of my words, nor was I aware of how Drusilla was assigned to me as a spy. Though, in hindsight, it is obvious. Unfortunately, I tend to learn most lessons in the hardest of ways.” The Prince smiles at my ardent expression of self-deprecation. “For example, I was curious about the history of our Empire and wondered whether or not witches had ever been sanctioned to learn any other form of our inborn magic, like our sorcerers. I shared this query with my mentor as Drusilla arrived to collect me. The next day I learned the Emperor banned me from studying anything without his approval, after which he kept me from accessing much of the information my peers were given.”
The Prince remains silent as he stares down at the ground while we sit atop our horses, who sniff the dirt and turn to watch as birds flit around us. After another moment passes, the Prince looks to me with sorrow reflected.
“I hope you recognize you were not the one to cause their demise.”
“I knew the Emperor well enough to know the danger in disclosing such information. I was careless in my excitement at there being a group trying to overthrow him, and I sincerely wish I had thought not to mention it in Drusilla’s presence.”
“The worst thing you did that day was act like any other witch your age.”
“With the responsibility of protecting our citizens, which I failed in that day.”
His hazel eyes study me, seemingly perplexed as his brows draw in at the center. “I am astounded by how you can endure so much hardship and recount a tragic memory with such a calm demeanor.”
“You have so astutely described the act of emotional suppression,” Varic says, with no attempt at hiding the derision. “Something Imperial Grand Witch Tasch has needed to utilize with alarming regularity in order to survive this long, Your Royal Highness.” He tips his head as the Prince stares back with an indecipherable expression before his eyes return to mine.
“I was simply admiring your ability to maintain decorum while recounting the event with such vivid detail.”
I blink back at the Prince, who, for all of his observational skills, is apparently unfamiliar with the way one responds to such repeated turmoil. Varic shifts beside me, and my heart hammers in my chest with the need to draw the Prince’s attention back to me.
“Thank you,” I mutter, to which the Prince nods before leading us down the garden path.
The Prince and I ride side by side in companionable silence for a time, and I relish the pause in conversation until he turns to me with what can only be a pending question. “If we were to offer you refuge, would you accept it?”
Fear forms a fist around my heart and squeezes.
