Page 31 of Bad Habit
“Promise.” I nod to him before he heads to a different section to work out. I turn back to where Maxwell is standing, hands in his pockets. “So you coming?”
Eli steps forward with the expression covering his face that tells me that I will not like what he has to say. Eli is the brother you can count on to be collected in his emotions but always honest. “I’m free tonight too. I’ll come with Maxwell.” He looks up at the ceiling and I watch him take a deep breath. “Pretty sure Ollie is free too. We’ll make it a boys night. You get your protection. Everyone wins.”
“The last time I had a date and Oliver was around, my date ended up with me alone.” I argue. Given, that was entirely my fault. Davey was cute enough but after Oliver’s hands were on my body he was all I wanted.
Eli narrows his eyes, “maybe pick better dates.”
“Maybe he should control himself.” I lower my voice but keep it steady. I know that everyone knows something happened between me and Oliver, but I also appreciate that we all just kind of pretend it’s not a thing.
“Thisishim controlling himself.” He whispers so only I can hear him and I understand the weight of his words. He doesn’t want me pushing Oliver over the edge. Loud pops light up the empty space and I look to see Oliver working the bag in the corner. He has his headphones on and he’s fully locked in on his rhythm of hitting the bag.
I glance up at the clock and realize I have to leave soon. I have a shift at the coffee shop and then classes at Melinda’s center. Something twists inside me at the sight of Oliver upset but it’s not my place to ask questions.
One of my favorite parts of the week is my art classes with the kids at Melinda’s center. I’m possibly the worst artist to ever lift a paint brush to a canvas but I love the way that even a mistake is considered beauty in art. Melinda taught me that life is full of strokes of mistakes but we can always find something beautiful because life never stops moving.
Sometimes I make Rory come in and actually teach the kids something that is good and not just me pretending to be good at this. This is one of those times. I can’t get Eli’s words out of my head. And I’ve been trying to decipher the meaning of them the whole afternoon.
“Think any louder and the walls will start speaking.” Melinda’s voice should have startled me, the woman is so soft that even her footstepsbarely make noise. But her words are always melodic in some sense and they calm my spirit.
“Maybe they hold all the answers.” I’ve been watercolor painting a sunset for an hour. And it still looks like a toddler had a color war and it got rained on. I’m a terrible artist. But Melinda still allows me to teach these kids how to paint, poorly.
She sits down next to me and picks up a paint brush. She dips it into the water and gets a deep purple started to help me fix my mess. “What answers are you needing, sweet girl?”
“Why did you open the center?” I set my paint brush down and let her work. I always love watching her paint. She makes it look like every stroke of the brush is just as natural as breathing.
“You’ve made me tell you this a hundred times.” She smiles softly at me before cleaning her brush and getting a new color ready. “I wanted to create a space for kids to be kids and grow the way that their brains and hearts crave. They need the freedom to explore without consequences or fear of being wasteful.” Her answer comes easily.
“How did you figure it out? What you wanted to do, how you wanted to do it?”
“You just have to give yourself room. Feeling everything isn’t a hindrance, it’s a privilege.” She tucks a few wild curls behind my ear effortlessly. “You want to talk about what is actually bothering you?” She goes back to elevating my melted color swatch of a painting into something that is finally starting to look like a sky.
“Having feelings is exhausting.” I try to hold in my breath like that would stop my eyes from getting watery. Melinda pretends to not notice me getting emotional.
“Life is exhausting.” She corrects.
“What are two of my favorite girls doing tucked away in the corner?” Melinda’s face lights up at the sound of her son coming into the room. The love she has for Rory is something that I admire.
“I’m telling AJ that you called me your favorite.” I scrunch my nose up at Rory as he leans down to kiss Melinda’s head.
“She knows she’s my girl.” Rory winks at me and I just roll my eyes. He and AJ are the sweetest without ever actually being sweet. I have never met two people who so seamlessly fit together.
Growing up I was taught to pick the people you keep close based on how they enhance your life. What they can give to you. I’ve always wanted to be the opposite though. I want to give the most I can. And Rory and AJ make me feel more confident with that goal because neither makes me feel like I need to quiet myself down for them. They just encourage everything about me. And I think that is why Melinda loves this center so much. She cultivates that same safe space for every one of these kids.
“I wanted to thank you both for gathering reinforcements for the fall festival this year. The kids are going to love all the extra events we will have.” Melinda says as she stands up. She said that she was going to have a meeting with her business partner to see if they can make room for a budget for a fall festival to be hosted here at the center. Melinda got the money she wanted and more. There will be food trucks and blow up obstacle courses here for the festival.
“Of course, Mom. Whatever you need. You know I always got you.” He gives her a big hug.
Melinda leaves us alone in the room to prep for the kids to get here. “Maybe we should do something at the gym?” I haven’t planned anything for Halloween at the gym because according to AJ they never do events there. But I think it could be fun.
“What are you thinking?” He asks.
“Maybe we should ask the group?” I pull my phone out and go to the group text.
WEST HAVEN DELIQUENTS
Mia
I think we should do something for Halloween at the gym.
