Page 29 of Betraying Him

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It was rough, quick, and not at all what most girls probably dream of for their first time. But I’ve never been the type to dream—not when I don’t have the freedom to—and Harley may have hurt me, but he hurt me in thebest of ways.

Maybe I’m losing my goddamn mind and going insane, I don’t know anymore.

Maybe I’m a masochist, or maybe I’m just so deep into an obsession I’m not seeing things clearly, but I do know one thing—if I really hadn’t wanted it and had tried to fight, he would have stopped.

No matter how angry Harley is with me and how much pain he’s in, I know he’d neveractuallyhurt me.

Physically, at least.

Because this is all starting to take an emotional toll on me, and no matter how much I know I should stop the cycle and save myself the heartbreak I feel every time he walks away, I can’t do it.

I don’twantto do it.

I need him more than I need to save myself.

I know I won’t survive Harley Thorn, but that’s okay.

I’d rather he be the one to destroy me than someone else.

There are times when I see a softness in his eyes when he gazes at me before he forces it away, so I know he feelssomethingfor me.

I really hope he still feels something for me.

TWENTY

HARLEY

Mixed emotions warwithin me as I stumble into the backyard and plop down on the ground to stare up at the sky.

I was right about being able to see stars here in Blackwater, but now when I look at them, I don’t see the peace I used to when I was younger.

Now, all I see is her.

I see her lying next to me in the sand as I opened up to her. I see her shining eyes and small smiles.

And tonight, it’s even worse, because I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do.

I took something that wasn’t mine to take.

I squeeze my eyes shut, but all that does is make the image of tonight flash in my mind. Savannah pressed against the brick as I pummeled into her, her whines and whimpers a constant soundtrack in my mind.

Fuck, fuck,fuck!

So many feelings fill me, and I don’t know which oneof them is worse.

Elation.

Pleasure.

Need.

Satisfaction.

Anger.

Sadness.

Guilt.

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