Page 68 of The Key To His Soul
“She asked me if I was chasing women or if I was chasing the feeling they gave me in the moment.”
The room got real quiet. I guessed he answered correctly because she sat back on the stool.
“And what you say?”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t answer. I couldn’t answer because I’d never separated the two.”
I nodded slowly, feeling exactly where he was coming from.
“Your father always loved his freedom.” My mother took over. “And he really loved women. He never kept it a secret that he wanted more than one. I allowed him that. Not because I thought less of myself or that I didn’t deserve a man committed to me only but because I wanted this man.” She pointed to myfather’s chest. “See, your father thought freedom lived in the poly lifestyle because he was chasing what he thought he needed to be fulfilled. And it was cool for a time, but when you realize that your heart don’t beat as fast for two as it does for one, you can no longer chase after the moment because if you do,” she looked up at my father, “you’ll miss out on the lifetime.”
I rolled my glass between my palms as the ice slowly melted into the whiskey.
“So, y’all don’t think I’m buggin’?”
My mother frowned. “Why you say that?”
“I mean, ‘cause now, I’m questioning everything I thought I wanted.”
She reached over and covered my hand with hers. “I’d be more concerned if you went through life never questioning yourself or even worse, feeling like you’re not allowed to grow.”
Pops nodded. “And the problem isn’t changing as you grow. It’s pretending you haven’t.”
I sat quietly, digesting the conversation. For days, I’d been trying to answer Key’s question, and now, I realized maybe it wasn’t meant to be answered right away. Maybe it was supposed to linger long enough for me to just discover it. My mother stood, gathering our plates.
“Decisions shouldn’t feel like pressure when it comes to where you see your life headed, Mehki.” She kissed my cheek. “I’ll be upstairs if y’all need me.”
“I’ma need you as soon as he leave,” my father said to her back.
“Too much, Pops.”
He laughed and downed the last of his drink. “You know what you gotta do next?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
I thought about Karima and Julissa and let out an audible sigh.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Good. Then stop thinking and just be the honest man that we raised.”
I textedKarima that I was on my way before pulling onto her block a little after seven. I parked behind her car in the driveway and sent her a text to come outside.
Baby: Wait, you’re not coming in?
I read her text and threw my head back on the headrest. Pop’s words replayed in my head.Stop thinking and just be the honest man we raised.That shit sounded simple enough until your honesty had the potential to break someone’s heart. Still, I couldn’t turn back or prolong the inevitable at this point, so I sent a text back.
Me: I need you to come out, Rima.
A full minute passed before her door opened, and she appeared, wearing a grey sports bra and matching leggings. Her hair was pulled back by a grey headband like she had been working out. She walked over to my truck with her arms folded and her face tight. I hit the locks once she was at the door. Pulling it open, she climbed into the seat, plopping down and slamming the door closed.
“Before you say anything, an apology is due to me,” she snapped.
“I apologize,” I said sincerely.
She shifted in the seat, turning toward me. Her shoulders relaxed a little, like she wasn’t expecting my response. “Is there a reason you couldn’t come inside the house?”
