Page 118 of Faking it For Summer

But I don’t think he is. If he knew how desperately and deeply in love with him I am, I don’t know if he’d be able to live with himself. I know if he knew how deeply I had fallen for him, he’d feel absolute guilt—because Luke didn’t feel that way about me. The only thing he truly loves more than anything else is work and focusing on being the best that he can be, and I know that. I’ve known that for a long time. It doesn’t make him a horrible person; it just means that it is his priority.

I know he loves me as a best friend. I know he will always be there for me, but I also know that I don’t come first. If I did, he would’ve seen me in the last five years. He would’ve begged for me to come to New York, but he didn’t. He hasn’t, and I have to accept that fact, no matter how much it hurts me.

chapter twenty-three

Luke

Ican’t take my eyes off of Mia. She’s wearing a long, slinky black dress with high heels. She’s got on a thin gold necklace and a diamond tennis bracelet. She looks stunning. Her gold-blond hair hangs in curls around her shoulders, and her big brown eyes are dazzling.

We haven’t really spoken much since she got back to the hotel room, but I don’t think either of us knows what to say. We are in a weird state in our relationship. We are more than friends, yet less than best friends. We can no longer share every intimate detail of our lives because we are the biggest obstacle and concern in each other’s lives now.

“You look very nice,” she says, beaming at me.

I’m wearing a very expensive Italian suit that I got on a trip to Milan. My crisp white shirt is adorned with Tiffany cufflinks that I treated myself to, and Mia helped me put on my black tie.

“This is going to be a very fancy engagement party,” she says, laughing. “It is really kind of weird that we’re going to an engagement party for a couple that’s getting married at the end of the month.”

Even though, on the surface, it looks like everything is light between us, the tension is high. We’ve been tiptoeing aroundeach other. We have said nothing personal to each other, and we haven’t touched or kissed in that way. That drives me crazy. I don’t like being in this position with Mia, but I don’t know how to get out of it.

“Juniper just texted me, by the way,” she says. “She said she’s downstairs with Wendy, Gigi, and Louisa. So, should we head down?”

“Okay.” I nod. “What about the guys, or am I going to be hanging out with all the girls?”

“I think Wendy said that Carter might try to show up. He felt a little weird about coming tonight because he doesn’t know Rex or Andi, but I told her to tell him it’s fine. They’re not going to care. And let’s see … Louisa said that Preston is going to try to make it. He got someone to cover for him at the bar. Gigi said that Davis will show up later, so the guys will be here at some point.”

“Okay, I’m just checking. I don’t care if it’s just the girls and me.”

“I know you don’t. You love to be with all the girls.”

“This isn’t about Talia again, is it?” I ask, and she cocks her head at me. “Okay, okay. I was just double-checking because you know I’m not into her.”

“I didn’t even bring Talia up,” she says.

“I know you didn’t. I just—sorry. I was making a joke, and it was in poor taste.”

“Luke, all I have to say is, don’t quit the day job. You’re definitely not going to be the next Dave Chappelle.”

“Maybe I’ll be the next Adam Sandler.”

“You’re goofy enough,” she teases me.

I love it when we can just be light with each other.

“Shall we go, my lady?”

“We shall, kind sir.”

I grab her hand and squeeze it, and we head toward the door. I open it for her, and she steps outside. As I close it, I pull her toward me.

“We okay?”

She nods slowly, but she doesn’t answer. That’s not really a good enough reaction for me, but it’s the best that I’m going to get right now. I take a deep breath and let my feelings of annoyance and frustration go. We make our way to the elevator in not-quite-companionable silence. Everything feels like it has that slight edge to it, and I just don’t know how to make it better.

We step into the elevator, and I accidentally brush against her. She almost jumps away from me, and I frown. I’m about to ask her if she really is okay and if we should talk, but I decide not to. It’s a big night for Rex and for Andi and for the family, and I know we cannot go to the party arguing, and we cannot step away from the party either.

I press the button to take us down to the ballroom, and we stand there in silence. It’s so very different from how we normally are together that it makes me feel tense, but I don’t know what to do about it.

We exit the elevator and make our way to the festivities. The sounds of partygoers echo through the halls. There’s a live band playing ’60s and ’70s music, and everyone seems to be having a good time as we step into the ballroom.