Page 50 of Property of Rattler

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for fucking her—I’d get a decent night’s sleep in a real bed for a start. But she’s not a woman you fuck and run. She’s the forever after type. I’m not ready for that. And probably first and foremost, I’m supposed to be protecting her, not getting distracted by her ass, tits, mouth…

She’s inexperienced. Mine would be the first cock inside her. That’s almost a turn-off. Not because I’ve only known experienced women or that I think I might find her boring. It’s more a reflection on myself. What if I fucked her first time up, or if the moves I’ve got to offer aren’t enough? I’ve spent too long around the club girls, just using them to get my rocks off. They don’t complain, that’s what they’re there for, and to my mind, are adequately compensated by being able to live at the club. I’m selfish, I take what’s on offer. So sue me.

But with her? My normal approach wouldn’t work. I’d have to make it special, and I’ll be fucked if I know how to do that. And then there’s the big fucking elephant in the room—whether anything good could come of sex between us or not, we’ll still be trapped in this fucking cabin.

Yet, for some reason, I can’t leave her ring alone. My fingers keep touching it. The warming sun beats down on us, and birdsong is the only sound I hear. It’s peaceful, and sitting here with her seems comfortable and somehow calming.

I owe her something, owe it to her to explain why I’ll never be able to give her what she deserves. A man who can love her.

Without realising what I’m going to say, my mouth opens, and I give her the words. “I had a fucked-up childhood.” She glances at me sharply, but I’ve started, so I won’t back down. “My own parents couldn’t be bothered with me, abandoned meas soon as I was born. I was taken in as a ward of the state, started life in a children’s home, as no one wanted to take on a heroin addicted baby with dubious genes.” My lips press together. “I don’t know where my name came from, or who gave it to me. I was placed in the foster system, not that, as a baby, I knew what that was. That first placement, I grew up knowing nothing other than that I was part of the family.” Pausing, I rub at my temples. “Stayed there until I was almost six, then a new baby was coming along. Got kicked out as I wasn’t blood.”

I breathe in deep as the memories come back to me. “Didn’t know what the fuck had happened. One day I had a mom and dad, the next I did not.” She inhales sharply, but I need to continue without hearing her sympathy. “Then came the series of my dubious homes, some who just wanted the money, some who were into abuse.” At her gasp, I turn to reassure her. “I escaped the worst. Thank fuck, my dick wasn’t what they were after. But I certainly saw some shit and was too young to do anything about it.”

I squeeze her fingers. “I developed two things, an ability to turn a blind eye to what I couldn’t change, and a giant fuckin’ chip on my shoulder. I was my own worst fuckin’ enemy. By the time I was ten and was placed in a halfway decent home, I’d already learned adults didn’t give a shit.” My eyes focus on the tree behind her. “I think I was looking for someone who’d see something in me worth fighting for. But that’s looking back as an adult, and,” I break off to sigh, “it didn’t work. No one wanted to adopt me, or even to keep me long-term.” My shoulder rises, pauses, then lowers. “I argued, fought, and played stupid games. Destroyed their possessions and ran away. I made it impossible for anyone to love me.”

She turns her hand over so it’s grasping mine tightly. “You were protecting yourself from being disappointed and hurt.”

I make a dismissive motion. “I was kicked out of the system when I was eighteen. Found in the real world, my shit didn’t fly. Couldn’t hold down a job.” I grimace. “Tried to steal from the wrong people…” I look up and give her a twisted smile. “Would you believe I went up against the Kings?” I shake my head as I remember. “Got a beat down I’ll never forget, but when I healed, they offered me the chance to prospect. I’m not stupid. I knew this was my only chance, so I reined myself in. I managed to get through the prospecting—it gave me purpose, something to work for. Then, when I got my patch.” I gaze off into the distance, my thoughts putting things together that I’d never added up before.

She purses her lips thoughtfully and seems to read my mind. “Then, when you became a member, you started testing them. Wanting them to prove themselves to you. Wanting to know that you had a place with them, no matter what you did.”

Well, shit. My eyes narrow.

“Flynn,” she says softly. “You don’t always have to bite the hand that feeds you. Good things don’t always turn bad.”

I swallow hard. “Is that what I’m doing?”

“Your parents didn’t want you. I can’t imagine how awful it was to grow up knowing that. But maybe they had a good reason, maybe it was the best they could have done. It doesn’t mean they didn’t love you, or that you’ll never be loved.” She sighs. “And then the first foster home kicked you out, a place where you thought you were loved. But Flynn, you’ve found your place now. I’ve seen how the club works from their interactions at Royals. Sometimes I’m jealous of the relationship between your brothers. It’s like the best type of family, what I had with my grandparents. You’re a family, and family accepts you, whoever you are.” She gives a sad smile. “And that means there’ll be a heck of a lot of lee way before you reach their limit. You’ve just got to stop trying to find it.” Her eyes shutter. “Because there’salways a line, and once it’s stepped over, you can’t come back. If Bullseye did send you here as punishment…”

She doesn’t have to tell me what I already know. If I don’t stop pushing, one day I’ll do something I can’t return from. Shaking my head briskly as if to clear it, I realise I needed her clarity to show me things I’ve never really thought of before.

“You must think I’m fucked up.”

“You?” She raises her brows, and her mouth quirks. “I’m the one who’s got a brother trying to kill her, and just for money. I’m the one who’s married to a man who doesn’t even like her…”

“I like you, Ames,” I interrupt. Then smile. “I like you well enough.” I raise my fingers to her lips to silence the obvious from coming out of her mouth. “I didn’t at first, as I said, I had a fucked-up idea of who you were. Now I’ve gotten to know you better, I like what I see.” I purse my lips as I try to explain to her again, but this time more crudely. “Never bothered to learn about a woman before. I just fucked them and left.”

“You kissed me, then left.”

It’s the tone in which she says it that has my mouth twitching. “Not the same thing, Ames.” I sigh, release her fingers at last, and place my head in my hands as I let some more home truths escape. “You and I are living in this bubble, far away from the realities of life. You know, I really thought I’d hate it? Not being able to ride my bike, drink with my brothers, or, yeah, fuck. I thought I’d feel excluded from club business. But now I’ve gotten used to it, I don’t miss it as badly as I expected.” I chuckle softly. “It’s not quite the punishment I think they thought it was.”

She bristles, then snorts a laugh. “Am I really that bad?”

“Nah, but I am. As you said, I’ve been pushing their buttons more and more recently. Bullseye could have taken my patch, but maybe he sent me here to have some time to think about what I really want from the club.”

Her brow creases. “Someone needed to come with me and provide protection. At the end of this, the club gets five million. And you drew the short straw.”

I can’t hide the truth. “Four will go to the club, the other million is for me as compensation.”

She stares at me. Then her hair flies around her face as she shakes her head vigorously. “I don’t care. Money means nothing to me. Freedom to do what I want is everything I need. If I end up completing my degree, getting a job, and supporting myself, that’s worth more. I don’t hold it against you.” Her last sentence has me perplexed for a moment. She sees my confusion and clarifies, “That you’re doing this, being here with me just for the money.”

I bark a short laugh. “I haven’t thought about the money in days.” Grimacing, I admit, “At first, it was what kept me going. But despite my fuckin’ ankle…” I tap my leg to reinforce what I mean and give her a sideways glance as I correct. “I didn’t get the bad end of this deal. I won the fuckin’ lottery. I enjoy your company.”

“I enjoy yours too,” she admits. Then chuckles, “Though I didn’t expect to.”

I move closer and put my arm around her, pulling her to me and placing a kiss on the top of her head. It’s then she moves her face upward, and I can’t resist. Just like I’d done the night before, I lower my head and take her lips.

She melts into me as I deepen the kiss. The birdsong is no longer audible as I lose myself in everything Ames, her gentle, untutored caresses as she follows my lead, making my cock twitch as I wonder what else I could teach her. Our tongues move together, making me groan as she tastes so sweet. And that little moan she gives in response sends tremors through me, shooting straight to my dick.