Page 32 of Doctor Daddies

And as we eat together while the morning light comes through the window, I know I’m skulking dangerously close to something I shouldn’t let my mind anywhere close to. Something like domesticity, the kind of thing I could get used to if I’m not careful.

But all of this, it’s not meant to last. Well, only for as long as she’s pregnant, at least.

For the next nine months, they will be living here, but after that, I have no idea what our relationship will look like, and I can’t let something like this turn into the norm. I’m going to be a father, have a child of my own to take care of, as well as figuring out all the ways that we’re going to handle the matter of Lewis’s siblings and what their relationships are going to look like down the line.

I’m just doing what I can to help out while Millie needs us, and that’s where it ends.

At least, that’s what I have to keep telling myself.

Because if I lose this just after I had a chance to taste it for the first time…I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep my shit together.

15

MILLIE

With a sigh of relief,I sink down onto the couch, close my eyes, and catch my breath.

As it always does when I have a moment to myself, my mind starts racing, trying to piece together whether I’ve forgotten anything or left anything undone—but to my surprise, it seems like everything is under control for a change.

Which means… Well, it means I should be able to just relax.

Relax, God, that’s a word I haven’t actually applied to my own life in such a long time, I have almost forgotten what it feels like. But here, in my new apartment, with the sun streaming in through the window and a cup of tea on the table before me, I’m just about starting to believe that I might actually have a chance to remember before this pregnancy is over.

Of course, I’ve been dealing with all the shit that comes with early pregnancy, the morning sickness, the tiredness, the night sweats, all of it. But even with all of that to contend with, this pregnancy has felt a million times more manageable than my first one did, and I know it has everything to do with the threeguys who seem to have made it their mission to make my life run as smoothly as humanly possible.

It has been nearly a month since I moved into this place, and it’s crazy the difference that living here has already made to my state of mind. I feel as though I’ve finally been able to clear some of the cobwebs from my brain, not having to worry about applying for jobs and keeping up with the rent every other minute. I’m not tossing and turning every night as I crunch the numbers on my finances and try to keep on top of every bill. I’m not running off to every job interview I get in the hopes of taking on more hours.

I can actually just…relax. And it’s still something I’m trying to get used to.

The guys have seriously gone out of their way to put their money where their mouths are. And I’m not just talking about the ridiculous cash injection that landed in my account once the pregnancy was confirmed. No, they have been here cooking breakfast when I’m sick, running Lewis to school when I need it, even helping with his illness too.

Ross got him a referral to a specialist across the state who happened to be visiting the city that week. The specialist squeezed Lewis in for an hour so he could run a few tests on food sensitivities and point me in the direction of a diet that might help. I’ve been following the recommendations, much easier to do now that I have the money to experiment a little with my groceries, and it seems to be having a positive impact on Lewis. He hasn’t missed a day of school in the last two weeks, and I’m even starting to believe that I might not need to move him to that specialist school in the first place.

I rest my hands on my belly, and look down at the nonexistent bump that I’m sure I am starting to feel. It’s hard to believethat I might have three babies growing in there, almost surreal to picture three separate little fetuses taking shape within me. When I was pregnant with Lewis, I remember feeling this same way, the odd notion that I’m bringing all that life into the world.

Of course, I don’t know if all the embryos took yet, given that we have to wait a few more weeks for the scan to figure that out, but I have a feeling that they did. Call it intuition, call it craziness, but I just can’t imagine that my body hasn’t accepted all three of their children.

I bite my lip at the thought of it. Cole, James, and Ross, all growing a child within me at the same time. I still don’t know which one of them fathered Lewis, exactly, but I don’t think it matters. I see the way they all look at him, that kind of fascination on their faces, as if they’re trying to parse just what kind of connection they have to him, or what kind they want to have to him.

I’ve thought about broaching the subject more directly, given that Lewis is going to be a sibling to all of these kids, but it’s something we can talk about a little further down the line, once things have started to take more shape.

And maybe I could hasten that along a little if I actually brought them all around for an evening. I glance around the apartment, my mind instantly flooding with ideas. Yeah, I mean, they got me this place, the least I can do is show how much I appreciate it by bringing them around here, right?

It might seem a little crazy, but having all three of them here actually sounds like a lot of fun. They’ve all come by individually, but all together? That’s yet to happen, and it seems like an oversight that I haven’t used all of this newfound time and spaceto show them how grateful I am for everything they’ve done for me.

I rise to my feet to go search out my phone, trying not to let my mind stray too far intoeverythingthey’ve done for me. Because if I start going down that path, I will have to acknowledge that my reasons for wanting them all here might not be entirely altruistic.

It’s been a few weeks since Ross and I shared that encounter in his office, and James and I haven’t been alone together since he went down on me the day we moved in, but my mind has been full of them the entire time anyway. Call it pregnancy hormones, but there is a part of me that can’t stop thinking about how much I want to have them all again—all three of them, all mine, just one more time.

Just to remind myself of how good it felt to be the center of their attention again.

I hover my finger over the call button, looking at Ross’s number. He’s at work right now, they all are, but he’s the one most likely to pick up if I need him for something when they’re in the clinic. I’ve started learning these little details about them, these small facts about who they are individually. There’s an intimacy to it, turning them from fantasy to reality after all these years, and it’s not one I’m willing to wake up from just yet.

I tap the call button and lift the phone to my ear, listening to it buzz a couple of times before Ross answers the phone.

“Hey, Millie, everything okay?”

He sounds concerned, and a twinge of guilt plays in my chest, thinking that I might have given him reason to worry.